H and his family... he's suicidal
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 01-22-2007 - 9:46am |
This is getting progressively worse... and fast. I tried talking to his mother last week to get her to maybe listen to my reasons and help H to understand them. I could tell she didn't believe a word I had said. But we both agreed (I thought) that he needed help because he's not coping well. I pleaded with her to help him to understand that this is my decision and he needs to find a way to move on.
Then Saturday, I was out of town, and she tried to call me. I had my phone turned off and she didn't leave a message so I didn't know she had called. Then she called my mom complaining that I was ignoring her calls. (Mom explained that I was in class and couldn't talk). She then proceeded to say that she wouldn't help H get over me because he's her son and she is supporting his efforts to get me back. She begged mom to try to get me to go back to him because if I don't she's afraid he'll kill himself.
As if me going back is some magic pill that will make him all better. Well, what about me??? I'm leaving for a reason!!! They don't give one hoot about me. They never did. It's all about him and what will make him better. So she'd rather fight this losing battle than help him to get better.
Sunday, he drops the kids off and rants at my dad again... accusing him of not helping him get me back "after all he's done for him!" Then said he would kill himself before paying a cent in child support. This is one week after writing to me that making him out to be violent or suicidal is a "low blow" (denying it all)... then to come out and say these things.
They harrass me and my family frequently. It's getting worse. Nothing I say sinks in. He's accusing me of lying about everything. Everything I say just bounces off his head. Nothing sinks in. He completely refuses to believe I could have been unhappy. At least in the beginning, he tried to acknowledge that maybe I was unhappy. Now all he sees is a great and wonderful marriage that I suddenly want to throw away. None of it makes sense to him. I wish there was a way for me to get him committed to a mental hospital before he does hurt himself... and to give him time to get over this. This is really bad. I am at a loss as to what to do. Just keep moving on I guess. I can't be responsible for his actions. He makes his own choices.

You worry about you, try not to think about him and try to let go of the fact that his family may never see your perspective. What matters is you. Stay Strong!!!!
Hi PR,
"I can't be responsible for his actions. He makes his own choices."
Yup! You came to the only conclusion you can make right now. He makes his own choices. Period.
His threats of suicide are a form of manipulation, and I see where he learned it - from his parents.
My advice? First, YOUR parents aren't obligated to listen to one word from his parents. I advise your mother and father to hang up on them or close the door in their face. This isn't their fight (nor is it your STBX in-laws fight). They can remove themselves from this divorce without apology. It's not their responsibility to "talk you into" anything and that's exactly what they should say to your in-laws.
Second, you need to be so direct with your STBX in-laws as well. Don't listen to them berate you. Tell him or her, "If this is another attempt to get me to take your son back, I'm not listening." Then hang up or close the door. It's not their fight.
Third, tell your STBX if the suicide threats continue, you'll ask for a psychological evaluation on him. His antics are designed to get you to capitulate and help him to continue to avoid whatever his share of the issues are. (Gee, if you just go back then he won't have to deal with his responsibility for the breakdown of the marriage. NOT!)
So, hang in there. Don't call your in-laws and ask them to do anything. Avoid talking to them. They aren't interested in helping you. They are part of the problem.
Good luck and keep us posted.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My ex was suicidal as well which was one of the reasons our marriage ended. He would threaten that one day he'd blow his head off or he'd wish out loud he had the "courage" to do it. Honestly as awful as it sounds, by the end I was wishing he'd just do it because he was using the threat as a weapon and I'd had enough. You are right, you cannot help him, he has to help himself and it's best for you and your family to stop talking to him and not get involved in his drama and mental illness. Stop communication as much as you possibly can and remember this is HIS issue not YOURS. Hang in there.
Melanie