H says doesnt want to be married
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H says doesnt want to be married
| Thu, 06-23-2005 - 4:52pm |
H announced to me a few days ago that he doesnt think he wants to be married anymore.....what a luxury...Our marriage has not been wine and roses....through the last 7 years I have had to deal with his dysfunctional family, an affair he had while I was pregnant with our last son, and now his workaholic behavior. I am a stay at home mom, H owns his own successful business and says that he will make sure we are taken care of financially, not sure if I trust him on that...He just actually told me that he feels like if we are supposed to be together then our relationship should not require any work on either of our parts....How ridiculous....I thought it was a given rule that a marriage requires work..HELLO...I think that I will have a lot of problems getting him to actually take the steps to move out....he says that he hasnt thought that far yet....If its over, I just want it to be over, I have offered to work things out but now I feel Like who the hell does he think that he is, He doesnt call all the shots.....He acts like its just his decision....Hello...he travels a lot and will be out of town till sunday....I am just going thru a tough time here, the thought of spending any time away from my 3 little ones (6,4,2 years old makes me sick, I cant sleep or eat, I feel like I could vomit any minute and I literally break out crying . I just feel like I should apologize to my kids for not being able to hold it together with him. I am going to a counselor next week even if he doesnt go...i just feel so lonely, alone, and abandoned...I shouldnt have to live this way and I have decided not to,even if he changes his mind, I think I am done. Any one have any ideas on ways to start feeling normal, I am really tired of busting out crying several times a day....honestly anything anyone can say would help

I read your post and I immediately thought of my "marriage". My husband told me a week ago that he wanted to separate and then decided last night that he wanted to start doing up divorce papers.
This was all quite a surprise to me and I am with you, marriage requires work. It seems that some men look for the easy road out and would rather walk away than to put in the effort.
I feel very badly for you and my thoughts are with you.
You dont know how good it feels to know that I am not the only one being put thru this crap.
I'm so sorry you are going through this hard time! Many of us here have been through the same pain you are feeling now - and it IS actual physical pain, not just emotional, when you have a shock like this. Just being with someone you can talk to can be a big help, I know it was very hard for me to be by myself during that time. When you are alone, come to the board and talk to the people here. You will get through this, though it doesn't seem like it now, and you will be able to start thinking about how you are going to build a new life. And I agree that medication for anxiety or depression or both can also help. It would be a good idea to see your doctor if the feelings of sadness seem to continue for too long. Be strong!
Diane
Hugs to you, hannah. The feelings you're experiencing right now are very normal. Once I got over my initial shock and grief, I think what helped me start to move out of that phase of feelings was starting to think and make decisions for 'me' instead of for 'we'. I'd always based everything on what was good for my ex and I, and I started thinking about what 'I' wanted and discovering that I could have a life of my own. It's a rough road, but it does get easier. I was devastated when my ex first brought up divorce. I couldn't imagine life on my own. But I slowly found that life on my own was much better than I ever could have imagined, and I'm glad things ended with my ex.
-sang
Hi Hannah,
I just wanted to say that one way that you could possibly stay home with your kids is to enroll in school, go to a community college.