Had a talk with the ex tonight...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Had a talk with the ex tonight...
5
Wed, 02-21-2007 - 2:06am

He came to drop the kids off and we stood on the front porch and talked for almost an hour. It's the longest we've talked since he moved out, and I think we did well. We actually had a very civilized discussion and I believe both of us felt sympathy and compassion for the other.

I talked to him a little about child support and how I'm not making it on what I'm getting.

He told me about how bad things have been for him. He's barely paying his bills, and GF hasn't worked in months. He said he's been borrowing from his mom. GF has some health issues. She has a lot of back pain from a car accident she had back in the fall. I thought perhaps she's been living on disability, but ex said she hasn't even tried to get it because of her pride. He's an idiot for not forcing her to apply when he's been bearing all the brunt and borrowing from his mom, but whatever.

The saddest thing he told me was how he's been really close to quitting his show and giving up. He said that the entire crew has changed over the last year. Every single person who was there for him for 4 years has left because they are tired of it. A few really didn't like GF. They felt ex was taking things in a bad direction when he brought her in. One person specifically left because she thought GF was so awful in general and refused to continue working with her. He's even had trouble with the distribution of the show. Apparently the company that was dealing with the ads was screwing over the satellite network, and they're owed $16,000 in revues. He of course doesn't have the money, so he has to air it for free until they're paid back. He told me all of what I just said. This is not my speculation. He seems so broken. It made me really sad and I stood out there with him and cried.

The part of this that is so weird is that a year ago he walked out of this house feeling like he was a budding celebrity with a wife who not only didn't understand him, but was holding him back. I told him repeatedly back then that I wanted him to succeed more than anything, but that I needed us to have at least a little bit of a life away from his career. I remember screaming at him that he was a selfish bastard and that I couldn't believe he'd sacrifice his family for his show. I told him that once he and I were divorced that he'd have nobody around him that wasn't show related except for his children and mother. I was angry but also scared for him.

I feel absolutely no satisfaction in watching him fail. Yes, it would hurt if he had left and things immediately went fantastic with the show, leaving people to say it had all been my fault, but this is horrible. I don't want him to suffer. One year ago I had hoped he would fail because of his selfishness. That it was what he deserved. Now I just feel sick and sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 11:10am

I'm getting a bad aura about his GF.... not many people like her and she says she's not applying for disability because "of her pride".


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 1:46pm

Well, at least I know it's not just me that think she's horrid. I've been getting a bad aura about this chick for the last two years. She has little character and no class.

And, although I felt awful that night, now that I've been able to think some more, I realize I still need to go and try to increase the support regardless of his financial issues. It's not greed on my part. I am really hurting financially, and it would be really bad for his kids to lose their home.

I've had to suck it up and make an appointment to try to get food stamps to ease my monthly budget issues. This doesn't help my pride, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Maybe it'll push him to finally push for her to get disability or a job. He has no business supporting a girlfriend when he can't financially take care of his own children.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-22-2007 - 2:13pm

It really seems like she's holding him back.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 1:08pm

Well, the sympathy phase is over. I talked with his mother, and it seems ex "forgot" to inform me that gf does get an income of some sort due to the untimely death of her mother. GF is 24 and gets money until she is 25 or something.

I'm sure it's not a huge amount, but ex still managed to make it sound worse than it was.

Way to keep me from being angry that he was late with cs, and to make me feel guilty for wanting more from him as a father.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:03pm

I expect a lot out of my EX as a father.... often I don't get what I think he should be doing, but... sometimes I do.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~