happy "dud's" day to STBX ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
happy "dud's" day to STBX ...
6
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 9:03pm

ok, so it's been one week today since STBX told me to "come pick up your sons and you raise them into men, good luck with that!" this poor decision followed DH-gone-wild issued me an ultimatium (sp?) if i didn't agree to just seeing my sons on the weekends, opposed to a shared schedule, i could get them, raise them & he'd have NOTHING to do with us. of course i did NOT share entire story with 11-year-old twin DSs as to why they are now back with Mom.Me. but, uh, they've started to get "suspicious" and anxious about seeing their "dad" heretofore to be identified as DUD!!

they've called and called, poor DSs leaving Dud message after message, to no avail, NO return phone calls until finally tonight when they called saying they couldn't wait to spend father's day weekend with him. uh, but how does DUD respond to this joyous anticipation?? DS1 repeated every word, "oh, you're going out of town? you're going to austin." (that's where skank GF lives) "oh, ok, but we wanted to see you this weekend for father's day ... Mom.Me, where is she going? i don't know, let me ask Mom.Me. Mom.Me, daddy wants to know where you're going this weekend?" ... WHAT??? why the heck does he give a prada purse where I'm going?? i simply say to DS1, "uh, son, let your brother speak with your father, he really wants to speak with him."

oooohhh, when DS2 gets on the phone, he lets him HAVE it!! (he has his Mom.Me's emotional conviction). he grills him and grills him as to why they can't spend father's day weekend with HIM, NOT their Grandma (Dud's mom), which Dud is pushing them to spend it with (that's if Mom.Me's not going to be with y'all, he says). it's HIS weekend, for MY weekend (mother's day), he invited his skank GF down and laid up with her in his own mother's house & promised to give the boys money so they could take me out, but instead, kept the money & spent it on skank GF!!!

ggrrrr! so, i'm doing major emotional damage control for DSs, who are grossly disappointed that Dud chose some woman they don't even KNOW over them. i told them that every day can and should be father's day, and that we'll make their DUD (ok DAD) some cards and give them to him when he returns home. they seemed "ok" with that idea, but i probably should NOT show them the card i plan on making for dear 'ole DUD (ha ha).

well, i'm NOT going to allow their special weekend to be spoiled. we're going out of town to the country where my father (their grandfather) is buried, and while there, we'll have a special and spirit-filled father's day for HIM, who loved these bunchkins very, very much. why should father's day be redefined to fulfill DUD's day ... won't let it!

so great i have a place to vent; this board rocks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 9:25pm
Your chosen name for your stbx is quite generous. I think I would have a few more lol! I hope people that used their children as pawns have a special hell waiting for them. They deserve nothing in this life or the next. You just continue to fill your son's lives with love, fun and excitement. Have a great weekend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 9:20am
Have a good weekend with your boys. Unfortunately, you can't "make" your ex take his children. He probably sees it as his "right", rather than his "parenting time". Sheesh!
Anyway, go do something fun. Get a room with a pool. Go out for a good dinner. Shop (if you can get boys to do that). Play putt-putt golf. Sounds like you will be the mom and dad this weekend. Buy yourself something this weekend too, since you're playing dad. Get some bath and body, or some good chocolate. Sounds like you need some pampering yourself. And don't let your ex know it bothers you. Make sure the boys tell him what a good time they had with mom. And when it's finally your turn alone, you can hint at what a good time you had alone. Good luck! Jo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 5:27pm
(((Hugs))) to you and your boys. It's a shame that they had to go through that w/their dad, I mean "dud." You handled the whole thing very well. Your boys have a great mom! Enjoy your weekend!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 6:46pm

Hi Girlie-

I haven't been on in a few days. Gosh, it just goes on and on, doesn't it? Do you ever stop and say to yourself, "Who is this monster I married?" My STBX has my kids this week. They've stayed at his gf's TWICE already. That totally breaks orders but I am powerless over what he does when the kids are with him. All I can do is pass the info on to my attorney so he can write STBX's attorney, blah, blah, blah. In the meantime my kids are seeing their dad who is still married to their mom sleep in the SAME BED as TRAMP!!

As difficult as it is, it sounds like you are holding it tog. for your boys. If one parent is crazy the kids can still be ok, if both are crazy our kids have no chance! So yahoo for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Wed, 06-14-2006 - 10:14pm

hi Betsbee,

we are sooooo in the same boat (let's both take a deep sigh and let the boat row itself for awhile :) i absolutely do not know which is more pitiful: STBX ignoring children & still sleeping with skank GF while married to DW OR STBX keeping the children & still sleeping with skank GF while children are with HIM while still married to DW??!!

or allow me to borrow a great phrase from the movie, Napoleon Dynamite, "flippin' idiots"!!

well, you have me, and i have you, and we both have this incredible network of support, so, EVENTUALLY, we'll get through this and emerge as cherished Moms in our children's lives, THAT's whatz most important, not the immature, hurtful behavior of our "man-boys" or DUDS!!!

yes, keep records, that's what i've been doing & pass it along to the attorney. because guess what, skank GFs can have our STBXs' half, but they absolutely CANNOT have ours (e.g., time, energy, emotional investment, financial assets, peace of mind, etc.)

i believe that the divorce rate in our country is so high because, for what it's worth, women are truly empowered in this nation & when we realize our true potential and distinction and value as women, mothers, and wives and no longer wish to be controlled, taken for granted, underestimated, undervalued, and marginalized, oftentimes many of our spouses "fight back" in the only way they know how -- to exercise further "control" and intimidation over us. but we are sustaining our conviction, our courage, our character, and our conscience, and THAT's a wonderful thing.

we had our faults in our marriages, but at the end of the day, WE did our jobs, and we did them to the best of our ability. yes, they may have some "desperate skanks" (oh, i'm working on the TV pilot for that show!!) in the interim, but in the long run, reflection will bring "regrets" on their part. "relection" in OUR meantime brings healing & later, HOT romances for us, hooray!!

happy early father's day to alllll Moms keeping it together and serving "double duty" as Mom&Dad during these most challenging yet SURMOUNTABLE times. this, TOO, shall pass.

be encouraged, Betsbee, because, at least for today, i am ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 11:44am
Wow, Girlie, I am really inspired--seriously! I am pasteing that in a word document so I can print and read your last email when needed. Ok, I am going to email you privately....