Harassment? Please advise

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Harassment? Please advise
2
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 6:45am

I'd like advice on the practicalities of initiating and maintaining a "no-contact" policy with one's ex.

A 53 year old female friend of mine was divorced two years ago after about 8 years of marriage. They had known each other for about six years before getting married.

They live in different parts of the country and are not in touch very much. But when they are, it can be hard on my friend.

I saw one of his recent emails to her. There was a legitimate reason to be in touch, and although this particular email was not exactly "abusive", it was rather unpleasant. I feel that my friend is at peace about the separation, but her ex can be vindictive, still wanting to "teach her a lesson".

I suggested that maybe she should initiate a policy of no contact. Any necessary communication could go through me or some other friend.

I would welcome any reactions or suggestions. In particular:
1. Do you think such a policy is warranted and a good idea?
2. How should she initiate it? He might not read her emails, and she does not want to talk to him. One idea is for me to send him a registered letter, attaching a brief letter from her. My cover letter could politely explain what is happening, and that any communication could go through me. Her letter might say that she does not want to be contacted in any way, and if he does contact her then she will consider it to be harassment.
3. What should she do if he does not comply? What legal recourse does she have to make the policy stick? Can she go to the police? Can she go to a lawyer? Would that be expensive?
4. Should she mention some time limit, for example "do not contact me for five years"?
5. Would it be really necessary for her to change her phone number or email address? She would like to avoid the inconvenience of doing that.

Thanks for reactions and suggestions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:44pm
My parents had no contact after a certain point. Their only contact was through their attorneys. It made everyone's lives easier, certainly mine and my sisters! I think that if parents are going to go to this, it is better to do so through attorneys. Then, the attorneys can weed through what's garbage and what's a valid point and go from there. At a cost, but when parents are attacking one another verbally and/or physically, the price is worthwhile.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket




I am unable ot give legal or medical advice. My opinions are based on my experiences and my personal research.


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Tue, 08-28-2007 - 6:13am
Thanks for your comments!