Hard to let go

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Hard to let go
2
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 3:26pm

I'm confused right now. I don't really know why. This should be simple...divorce the man. I got back together with my STBX. He has come into some money and is talking about fun trips he is about to take. I want to go too. But there is the problem of sex...I don't want it from him. Yuck, he repulses me. I had sex with him once when we were back together and it was a gross. I ignored my own feeling to meet his needs. It was just a mess. I came out of it feeling alone and unloved. I want no more of that. As a write this I see that it is over and that the bone is falling apart. One more thing has gone wrong and there was a lot going wrong to begin with. It's over it is time to let it go. I'm having trouble letting it go. I don't know why. I've moved beyond this relationship and it is time to contine with my life. To re-group and start over again. I just don't want to feel alone again. To be alone in this world without a family. That was really hard for me. I feel like I am without foundation. No kids, no husband...no life. Nothing to celbrate nothing to love. It's really hard. Yet it is time to let go and move on.
I'm wondering how others who were the ones to end the relationship could talk about how the let go and moved on. How did you rebuild your life. How did you say good-bye to the man you used to love? Also, wondering if there are others who are alone once it's over. How did you creat a family of your own if there was only one person in it? Thanks for your posts.~*Anna

In Love and Peace, Anna
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
In reply to: joyfulsoul
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 10:10pm

Hi Anna,
My situation is a little different from yours. My husband left me, although I have wanted out for a long time...it just hurt like a dagger when he actually left. AND I have a baby (11 months old). But...I can relate to the difficulty of "letting go" even though in my heart of hearts I know it's over, I want it to be over, and once this pain passes, I'll be glad and relieved that it's over. But for me, I'm having a hard time letting go of the fantasy. The fantasy of being a two-parent, one-child family. The fantasy of having "my man" there to lean on. The fantasy that we were happy and belonged together. At every moment of clarity, I recognize that this is all fantasy (ie NOT real), but it's still hard to let go. Especially with the imagages of happy couples and forever after. Everyone I know was really shocked that my husband & I split. Everyone has said, "I had no idea...you seemed so happy." Well...we were good actors perpetuating the fantasy. So...my goal is to gain control of my brain and real it in every time it goes to thoughts of him and the fantasy. I plan to fill my life with my daughter, but also with friends, family, activities. I plan to rekindle friendships that have fallen by the way-side, and I plan to take risks and make new friends. He//, I need new friends right now, and I don't mind asking for some help in this time of need. I've never experienced anything harder, but I hope to make this a time of growth and personal gain.

I hope you find what you need...b/c even though you initiated the split, I hear that it's still hard. By the way, this is just my thought so blow me off if I offend...but don't "be with" him if it grosses you out. That only hurts your soul...don't ya think?

Best wishes...
Beth in TX

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: joyfulsoul
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 10:35pm

Hi Anna... I think it all goes back to wanting what we had.... when things were good... and finding it difficult to divide that from the reality of what we're left with.


Hang in there, Girl!

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~