Hard to move on

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Hard to move on
4
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 8:29am
Hi there. It's been a while since I posted. After a 3+ year court battle, I find myself divorced and now married to a wonderful man. So why am I still so agitated by my ex? He continues to play games, he tells my husband what a b**** I am, he leaves me nasty messages still. Why can't I just accept that he will always be annoying? Could it be that it is just my nature to expect people to be nice? I don't understand why some people are always so angry and bitter. I am so tired of the continued games. What purpose do games and bitterness play? Any comments are welcome.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 10:56am

I read about something like this in Dear Abby. A woman said that she'd been divorced for four years -- her husband had cheated on her and now he was happily married to the OW. But every time he saw his ex-wife, he was angry and nasty. She asked Dear Abby why? Abby said it's called "blame the victim;" that he refused to admit to himself that what he did was wrong and that he was a cheater, so he turned all his anger on her.

Of course I don't know the details of your case, but this makes sense to me.

Barb S.

Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 11-16-2005 - 6:52pm

Wow. That so makes sense. Thank you so much Barb. For some reason, that makes me feel so much better. I've been struggling with this so much, but it really "fits the bill". My ex has been blaming me for so many of his own problems. It was so absurd - when he was diagnosed medicine for his behavioral disorder, he told me that it would only be "fair" if I had to take medicine too. He argued about everything, but told me that I was argumentative. The fact that he is still so mean to me just puzzled me, but now, I understand that he is angry at himself, and he, therefore, takes out his anger on me.

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2005
Sun, 11-20-2005 - 8:22am
i cant help but agree,...im getting married in less then 30 days and my ex is still as juvenile as ever...he is remarried and now has a baby....but he still tells me that IM the one who did this and that....i just get tired of listening to it....anymore i have setup a hotmail mail account and told him to email me there....i dont even check it...i have more important things to deal with....and he isnt one of them!
Community Leader
Registered: 09-25-2003
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 7:38pm
Update. I just learned that my ex took my kids to the house that my husband and I are building. He is jealous. He can't afford such a beautiful house so he insults me to my husband and plays games with our visitation schedule (e.g., 2 hours late picking up the kids, 5 hours notice that he can't take the kids at all, etc.) It doesn't matter. He will always be a big baby. Leopards don't change their spots.