Has anyone been thru Custody Evaluation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Has anyone been thru Custody Evaluation?
6
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 6:19pm

The judge has ordered one for my case and I just wondered what the process is and if there are any tips I should know to get a positive outcome?

For those that have gone through it, was it a positive experience or a negative one?

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-20-2006 - 10:38pm

I've never gone through one myself, but wanted to wish you lots of luck!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Sat, 01-21-2006 - 1:30pm
I have been through one. This question has been asked before so you might want to browse through previous posts. I can't remember when it was. Anyway, not all evaluator's are the same. But there are a few rules of thumb that will help. Don't trash the other parent. Absolutely don't make any accusations about their parenting style. The only time that might be justified is if there is serious abuse (according to the court's definition). If you spend the session speaking about the other parent, they will most likely judge you unfavourably for being uncooperative and unreasonable. Even worse if the other parent plays the good guy. Also, though the evaluator is possibly a psychologist, don't use the session as a personal session. Stick with what is going on with the child/children. Talk about your intentions for providing for them. When you stay focused on the topic, you will do just fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Mon, 01-23-2006 - 2:07pm

Thanks for the help. Unfortunately there is abuse (emotional abuse and child sexual abuse). I think that's one of the reasons the judge ordered it. I'm sure that will be one of the main discussion points.

I'll keep all your suggestions in mind when I'm talking to the doctor. I looked him up on his website. He's a psychologist and will be talking to everyone as well as doing psychological tests. I think that is good for my stbx because he has a few problems. I've also heard that those who do a thorough evaluation are best (not just talking to the parents, but also talking to others who know the parents).

I'm not sure how the interviews with the kids will go since they are only 5 and 2. I figure it will be an interaction observation and talking a little bit to the 5 year old the one who the abuse happened to. My concern with that whole thing is she usually refuses to talk about the abuse, especially to men and definitely not right away. It took 4 sessions with her latest counselor to finally tell her about it. 1 session with this guy won't lead to anything. But if he knows anything about sex abuse, he will most likely pick up on her signs. The officer who interviewed her from CPS (Child Protective Services) said he definitely believed something happened, even though she didn't talk to him. He believed it because of how she reacted, not what she said (or didn't say). And that was only one interview. I can always hope...

Anyway, I'll try to look at the archives to see if anyone else has more suggestions.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 2:00pm

Hi,
I understand what your saying about not bad mouthing the other parent. Considering everything that has happened between us and how much he's badmouthed me I learned how to control myself especially when it counts most. So I've come out on top in that sense. For our mediation sessions and when we went before the lawyer for the judge he has went all out bad-mouthing me calling me all kinds of b!%*ches and everything. Saying that I just want him back and Im mad he has a girlfriend. Then he says I have a bf and he sees his son more than he does. He's so contradictory. If I have a bf myself then why am I mad he has a gf?

However, my concern is while he saying Im the reason that he cant see his son b/c I keep the baby from him, who will they believe. Our son is three and has a lawyer, he cant tell them how daddy doesnt call him or ask to see him. Im supposed to meet with the lawyer soon. I cant just sit there and act like all his accusations are true. I have to tell her how he doesnt even ask to see the baby, shows no interest at all in him, has missed visits and cancelled visits. Or is that considered bad mouthing him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2005
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 7:50pm
Tests used in custody evaluations are explained in detail on the "Custody Evaluation" forum at HelpStopPAS.org. It would be good to read teh article there on surviving custody evaluations as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Tue, 01-24-2006 - 11:46pm
I would think it is completely acceptable and in no way badmouthing if you are asked 'do you have a boyfriend?' and you say 'no'. In my case, the x also accused me of keeping son away from him. I was asked 'how are you trying to facilitate the relationship?' I told her that I have offered to set up a phone call plan in front of the judge, but he refused. That I have offered visits at any time he wished, but he refused. I did describe his conduct and frequency of visits when they occurred, but only those facts that I could back by a court document, written witness statement, or some other formal record (such as the restraining order). I would think badmouthing is making raw emotional statements that are based on nothing more than bitterness. Presenting facts that put the x in a bad light and are relevant to the child custody case is just good practice. A social center supervised the visits and they wrote their assessment of his behaviour. I gave this to the psych without hesitation. My friend testified about an incident she witnessed involving son, and I also gave that court proceeding to the psych. Just stick with the facts and you should do great.