Has anyone else..

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Has anyone else..
10
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 9:28am

REcently seperated from my husband, we only seperated almost 2 weeks ago..


I personally am having a REALLY hard time dealing with it, almost every time he comes to see the kids I break down.. I am really considering counseling for myself? Has anyone else gone through counseling?? What about depression? Friends of mine are worried I might be depressed... I just feel angry right now, as he gets to walk away and only see the kids every so often, and he shows no emotion about the split, and he wants me to be ok and be friends with him...


Really struggling here.. No papers have been filed yet, I plan to start the process when the kids and I get back from Vacation, I have an appointment the 30th to have someone help me fill out the paper work..


Thanks for reading and any comments back...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 11:37am

Yes, yes, yes.... Divorce and the changes that come with it aren't easy to "handle"... epsecially when we often already have a very full plate that we're trying to balance.


Talk to your doctor.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 11:43am

Your post reminded me of exactly how I felt when my ex walked out. I don't know what your history is... but I could "feel" how you are hurting... and I am so sorry. I had a difficult time emotionally when we separated, was depressed, terrified, and many other things. I remember many times walking into my supervisor's office (she is also a friend), closing the door and just balling saying, "I can't do this!!!!". What she said to me is this... "Yes you can and we are going to help you!" Surround yourself with friends and family if you have them there. Post often here or get some email buddies who have been through the same thing but are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I did try counseling and while it did help a bit, I am not sure how much. About 3 mo after we separated, I did see an MD and began taking antidepressants. That did seem to help. That was in March 2003. I just recently stopped taking them because I finally felt in control of my life. This road you are on is a long one with many bumps along the way. One day you will feel ok... like you CAN do this... next day you may be a heap on the floor. Know that is normal..... Try to take care of yourself... use whatever means you need to keep going.....

If you want to email or chat, let me know...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 12:06pm

Hey Princess-

I was where you are 6 months ago and I know this might not help you now, but time does heal . The roller coaster is rough, but the ups and downs get shorter. Definitely get counseling. I just called an area church and they gave me some names. It will help immensely. I needed to get out the pain and anger and fear so my kids didn't bear the brunt of it. Also I got to a place where I didn't want my STBX to see my pain. Mine got a cheap thrill out of it, I'm pretty sure. I think he and the Tramp enjoyed my pain. That seems to be the kind of people they are sadly. They are not worthy of seeing my emotions.

Antidepressants will help also I think. This is a situational depression, not a lifelong ordeal like others have said, I don't think you would have to be on it forever.

Do you have any friends there that have been through the same thing? There are some divorce support groups in my area that have helped several of my friends.

I wish peace for you. Know that many of us are thinking of you and praying for some serenity in this nightmare.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 1:41pm
I am not new to the process, but I thought I would throw my two cents in anyway. Counseling is a very good thing. If not for it and the drugs I would have killed myself in the last year. The lows are very low and sometimes it is hard to think clearly. The therapist can help you work some of this out. I take antidepressants. Actuallly I take two, Lexapro and Buspar. I also take Xanex when things get tough. For me sleeping is also a problem so I use a sleeping pill too. I don't know your full situation, but it sounds to me like you don't want the divorce. If such is the case, know you are not alone. I was forced to divorce my husband of 15years. I didn't want it then. I don't want it now. I wish he would come home. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 6:40pm

I'm very new to this. H told me less than 3 weeks ago he wanted a divorce and moved in the next day w/ OW, taking my sd and leaving 5 month old dd and I. I don't want a divorce, but I filed for one yesterday to start custody and visitation. On top of the divorce pain, I have to deal w/ him trying to take our baby away from me.

See a therapist. It can only help you.

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 7:41pm

There are a lot of us, myself included, who sought counseling during our separation, divorce or both... I highly encourage it as the place you are right now is not an easy place to be... It will help you adjust to some of the changes that are starting to occur now and also help you figure out what you want for yourself and your children...

Good Luck... Keep us posted!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 7:50pm

I am in therapy right now, though I don't have kids and I HIGHLY recommend it. It's still difficult for me to talk to my STBX. We've been apart for a month now. 2 weeks after the seperation he showed up to pick up some of his things and I couldn't help it.

All I can say is YES do counseling! And it will ease w/ time and distance. My STBX wanted me to be friends too. I know I've never been capable of that. Once I love some one I can not just turn it off and pretend we were never intimate. Maybe if you limited your contact to just w/ the kids? If he wants to pick them up, could it be from a public place where you think you're less likely to make a scene?

I still have some anger towards my STBX. I wish people would see him for the FRAUD he is! He can't keep his word. EVER! He expects you to WORK for his respect and then treats you WORSE when you "earn it" then when you didn't have it at all! He's a nightmare to be with.

I can't WAIT to one day find a guy that will treat me HOW I DESERVE TO BE TREATED! Just be sure to be gentle w/ yourself and realize you are going through a process and need to heal.

- J. Darling

Singehttp://img.photobucket.com/albums/v244/JDarling/Headshots/Picture001.jpgr, Songwriter, Author for Celebr

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2006
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 8:55pm
Hey I am new to this divorce. We seperated at the end of April. He walked out, but I also wanted it, so I didn't put up a fuss to him. He was verbally abusive for 6 years. I loved him in the beginning now I just do not know. I have really bad days and some good days. I think I am grieving more for the loss of a"marraige " than I am for him. The pain the kids are in tears me up but I tell myself it is for the best. I do not want my twin girls picking a husband that treats them the way there father treated me. No one deserves it. Let me know if you want to e-mail me. I have no support here and would love to make friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:19am

Oh my, thank you so mcuh for the response... Its nice to have people in the situation that can understnad how I am feeling..


I think when I get back from vacation I will seek couseling.. I know it will be a long process and a very emotional one.. My only goal is to keep the kids heappy, I don't want them in the middle or to see any of this crap!


LOL I thought it was funny, the other day he was here to visit with the kids, and asked me if we could be friends with benefits, LMAO.. UMMM NNOOOOOOOOOOO!!! He then asked me if he could see other people now.. Some nerve he has...


Anyways.. My email is pinkprincess_steph@msn.com if anyone wants to email me or IM me... I am always around usually.. I do leave tonight for a week vacation!


 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Thu, 06-29-2006 - 12:14am

I too am new in this divorce arena. My STBX left me 9 months ago and I just recently had him served. I don't want the divorce but he left me with no choice. He's moved in with another woman and maybe the father of her baby. What is more is this is his second affair in the 2 years we've been married. I"m thinkin' I'm getting out of this mess before it gest messier.

I highly recommand counseling and if neede antidepressant. When my husband first left I was devastated. My counselor placed me in an all day group program. I was in the program for several months. I can't ever state how much my group helped me and held me up on my lowest days. Eventually I only had to go to half day group sessions and now I only see my counselor twice a month. This is not to say I have resolved all my issues because I have not especially the issue of my cheating STBX and our divorce. I think I still have a long way to go. But what I've learned during this whole nightmare is as long as you're moving it doesn't matter how big your move is.

I am also taking medications to help me with my depression. A lot of people sometimes see antidepressants as a bad thing. However, I'm here to tell you that it is a life saver to me. During hard times like this, we have to do everything and anything to get us through. So if you think it will help, please see your doctor. A lot of counseling centers have an in resident doctor (at least where I go it does). This makes your treatment even better because your doctor and counselor can monitor your condition and make adjustments if needed.

If you or anyone would like to exchange email, my email address is roz6492001@yahoo.com. I want so much to correspond with someone that is in the same situation as I am. Perhaps we can support each other and guide each other through this long and difficult journey.