Has anyone ever.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2005
Has anyone ever.....
3
Sat, 03-26-2005 - 11:47pm
felt that your ex-spouses needed parenting classes in order to be a good parent to their kids? My husband has become like poison to me, not one word out of his mouth to me for the good. (Not swearing or anything, just really sarcastic about everything). I am afraid for my kids in the sense that I don't want them to be around him, he is not the father I would have wanted for them. There is tension in the air all the time and for nothing. It would have been better if he would say things directly and clear the air, but he creates tension thru silence, passivity and the like. It seems like he is "on" all the time. There is NEVER a carefree attitude with him. You must always be on guard. I want to divorce him and I have a sweet fantasy of running away to Australia or something and changing my name. I don't want my kids to be around him, and more and more I think he is sick in the head. Sometimes I wish he would just disappear. Please tell me if anyone else felt their x's were toxic and needed parenting classes and how effective is family court in this. I really feel that if I don't succeed in getting him to get help for his unhealthy behavior, I am going to gather some money and get away with my kids. It will serve him right. He is such a jerk. Hopefully he will change and become a healthier person once we are divorced. But if not, I don't care if it's legal or not, I'm leaving with my kids. I don't need them to be around a father that will affect them negatively. Please help and tell me how effective are family courts when it comes to demanding parenting classes for one of the parents?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 12:20am
YOu can go thru & read my posts over the past few weeks. I have THE toxic guy of the century in our lives right now ..... he WAS a great Dad, till he started to fall over the edge the past couple years of abuse to me - then the past few months to me, THRU dd ... & thats when i threw him out (RO) & b/c of my documentation of his actions & words to dd, he is allowed only supervised visits now AND he MUST, court ordered, attent therapy in realtion to how he speaks & acts to dd, about me & about our divorce. Its

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 8:53am

You can't keep him away from them. He might not be the father you wanted for your children, but you are all stuck with him now. If you leave without first getting sole custody and the courts permission to move, it is possible he will go into court and get sole custody himself (without you there to contest it) and then track you down and take them home with him. You need to be sure you have solid legal advice before you just take off with the children.

Many courts require parenting classes, but even if your state doesn't do this you can ask the judge to order them (for both of you).

Not having their father around affects children negatively too, so you can't solve all your problems by being far away. Often when one parent is toxic, the children are better growing up seeing first hand what a jerk their father is. If you disappear, it's easier for them to think "he wasn't so bad" and when they grow up and he says "I wanted to be a good dad but your mother wouldn't let me" they won't know which of you to believe, and they might believe him because they will know you were the one that left and took them away from him. If he can't parent them and if he's a danger to them, the best you can do is seek sole custody and do your best to be a good role model, support them and raise them right in spite of his influence. They will see for themselves he is a jerk and they will grow up using you as their guide and role model.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 11:42am

You might not get too far by demanding parenting classes for him.... but you might if you suggest that you BOTH do that (then, you'd be showing that you're willing to do your part and that you're not trying to be unreasonable)... and ya know, after the dust settles, he might just lose some of the attitude and be a better parent.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~