Has anyone ever in the past~

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Has anyone ever in the past~
11
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 11:10am
contacted the ex wife (or in my case wives)or girlfriend, or even the woman that he cheated on with you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2004
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 2:17pm
Missy, every one of your posts is focused on the past, on him, on his xwives....never on YOU or YOUR FUTURE.
Sanguine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Sat, 09-24-2005 - 9:05pm

Yes. OW contacted me when she "accidentally" emailed naked pictures of herself and my husband to my husbands home address, which was linked to my email account in outlook in my house, it was about 2-3 weeks after he left us.


And, XH's ex-wife is a member of the boards here... we met BY COINCIDENCE on this board. ( odd I know )


IT NEVER EVER DOES ANY GOOD FOR YOU TO TALK TO ANY X's......


You could be the most peeved off person and HATE your ex husband but when you talk to the ex wife or the current gf or the OW of whom he cheated on you with, you will become mush at the thought of him being with another woman, in the past or not.


My advice, stay away from that stuff. Only once I STOPPED talking to OW COMPLETELY was I able to 300% move on.


Hope this helps.


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Sun, 09-25-2005 - 1:49pm

I have talked with is second Ex wife when we were married,and I have met her before. She basically told me Good Luck. She told me she was miserable being with him. He would take the thermostat off the wall so she couldn't change it and she had to call the police because he ended up putting alot of her things in storage so the police made him get them out...it was bad

I also have had many of conversations with his 3rd ex wife...were friends and she is a wonderful person. Of course my Ex would be so disrespectful of his Ex's he would call them the IT AND THE THING.

He would hide things on her also. He Hid there marriage photos. He hid our photos also, WEIRD (I have the negatives)Got his own PO Box. She told me that she was SO DEPRESSED for close to 5 yrs.

i'm thinking that it shouldn't take me too long to move on because our relationship was so TOXIC. I just feel like such a fool. He is a VERY SICK person..Because someone that claims that they love you so much and can't imagine life without you can TREAT you this way...Victoria

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2004
Sun, 09-25-2005 - 10:55pm
A possible OW whom he worked with contacted me on accident too. About 1 or 2 yrs into the 9 yr marriage. She sent naked photos of herself to him. It is sad that at the time I asked him about it, he played shocked that he didn't understand why she would send such things. I did wonder why he had a slight smirk like he was pleased. He then, that same weekend, spent the weekend 'helping' her 'move' appartments, despite the confused feelings he left me with. He said I wasn't allowed to go and besides, it would be hard work. I wanted to believe the AHL because I was young and couldn't believe someone who says they love you would do such a thing. I never thought about contacting the lady even though I still suspected. She knew about me. She had nothing against me. She was just out for a good time (she was 20 years my senior!). I am certain it would not help. It's not like I would call and she would hear how hurt I was and apologize. AHL is the one who was inexcusable in the whole mess. And it wasn't the first time I found evidence during the marriage. Also found lingere and a love message that was certainly not to me. No, don't see much point in contacting the OW. It is the current guy that is the problem. And in my case, best thing to do was to get rid of him. However, if a current gf contacted me to ask about him, I would certainly recommend she run as fast as she can for her own sake. The AH is bordering on insanity and is certainly capable of physically hurting, not to mention mentally hurting someone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 11:32am
I called OW when I saw her number on my caller ID. I called her and asked her to never call my home again. She informend me that my ex and I were separated and she could talk to him if she wanted. I told her that was fine, but she needed to do it on his cell and not to the home that we were still sharing. She said she would have to discuss it with ex and I said no the conversation was over and she needed to talk to him only on the cell. I have never talked to her since that night. I don't regret calling her, but I sometimes wish I had said more and I sometimes wish I had said less. I guess it is always a no win situation to make contact. I hate her so much, but it won't do me any good to tell her that. She already knows. The more I hold onto my hate for her, the harder it is for me to move on. Unfortunatly, my ex is moving closer to her so I am guessing that the relationship isn't anywhere near over. I just need to keep focusing on me and not worry about the phone call or what they do together. I will be better off in the end even though I think the hardest part is coming (raising dd on my own). For him, moving on means having a relationship, for me it means improving myself so I am ready for a relationship when it comes along.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 11:43am

I think I've talked to a couple of them by accident when they called him. One was on a Friday night last fall and she said, "Is Joe there?" and didn't leave a message. Then a few weeks ago (right after I moved into my apartment) a woman called for him and I said, "He doesn't live here -- we've broken up," and she said, "Thank you so much!" So I'm assuming it was another of his OW.

I would never call them -- why would I? He's a liar (bad liar) and cheater -- they can have him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2002
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 12:05pm

Well the reason I contact a couple of the Ex's was to find out what kind of a lying Sociopath I was married too. And they were both VERY NICE and told me pretty much GOOD FRICKIN LUCK!!

Because I knew he was crazy, and I knew they ALL LEFT HIM..when he was away on vaction or gone somewhere...SEE THEY WERE FLEEING...What does that tell ya!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 12:46pm
Heck... I would've just blocked her number (no conversation required) and if STBX asked about it, I'd just tell him that she can call him all day long on "his" cell, but not on "our" phone.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:16pm
Hindsight is 20/20. It would have been easier to just block the number, but I don't think I would have been able to think that clearly at the time. I was still walking in that crazy fog of separation at the time. While I don't regret what I said, I regret that I know what her voice sounds like. I have never seen her in person and I have only looked at a picture once so I could have easily forgotten what she looks like until that voice got stuck in my head and attached to a face. I am sure I will have to meet her at some pointin time if she satys with ex, but for now I am stuck with her voice running through my head.
Avatar for rainbowbrite_14
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 6:11pm

I have not but, this raises a question I've been thinking about for a while now. My son is supposed to spend half the time at his Dad's but, I haven't let STBX take him there now that he moved in with his gf. My thoughts are I should meet her if my son is going to spend so much time with her but, I'm not ready. What do you guys think? Should I just let my son go there so I don't have to see Stupid all the time and if I do, am I entitled to meet her?

Jessica

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