Has your divorce...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2005
Has your divorce...
57
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 10:16am

changed you for the better of for worse?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 1:40pm
For the worst. I have lost everything. I have lost the love of my life, my soul mate, my best friend, my family, his family, my will to live, the respect of my children, the chance to stay home and raise my children, financial security, physical security. I am so lonely. Each and everyday gets harder to bare. My children are suffering terribly. I truely cannot find one good thing that has come from my divorce nearly two years ago now. Sorry. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2005
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 2:37pm

I'm sorry for your loss

I guess for me I'm not sure, but i've become more intolerant of others. It's sort of like people irritate me very easily and since my divorce (3.5) years ago i have cut a lot of people out of my life. I got married at 23, we were divorced by the time i was 24 (almost 25) I'm 28 now and I just seem to have a lot of problems with people. I've never gotten along with my mom, i had a falling out with my cousins who i had been very close with, then it was some people at work i was friendly with, most recently my best of 20 years. We had been living together for 3 years and i just couldnt take her living habits anymore so i moved out...she is now not speaking to me. I havent asked for an explanation or even apologized. I did send her an email letting her know someone we both knew died..but she didnt write back.

I just dont have it in me to repair relationships, especially when i feel i've been wronged. Everyone i've cut out has hurt me in some way...but i was never like that before my divorce. I was pretty forgiving. I was in therapy...didnt seem to help. i wonder if this is just who i am now? It doesnt seem to be working.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2003
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 5:13pm
I am definitely changed for the better. My marriage was bad for a long time, we tried everything I could think of to "fix it" and none of it worked, so splitting up was a little like ending a prison sentence for me. I know now everyone's experience is the same, but I have not had one moment of regret in the 4 months that I've been alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 8:53pm
<>> I hope things get better in time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 8:57pm

I hate to admit that I'm relieved that we have split and fearful he'll try and come back. Our counselor said I should be prepared to have him come crawling back but I don't think he will. He hates me too much, lol. And he's told everyone who will listen how *I* am the source of all evil in the universe. I figure he has way too much crow to eat to even try to come back. I hope I'm right. I don't want to have to explain to the kids why I won't take daddy back.

I liken his leaving to pushing a boulder off of a cliff. It ain't coming back up. It's done.

I too feel like I'm ending a prison sentence but I'm not out of the prison yard yet. It's like I can see the gate and I'm scared someone will shut it on me. I want to run through it NOW. This will be the longest year of my life I'm sure.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 10:35pm
WAY BETTER! I learned to stand up for myself, to stop the emotional and verbal abuse. I learned how to support myself. I learned how to laugh at myself. I regained all my previous self-esteem plus some!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 9:11am

BETTER!!!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 9:45am
Id have to say a bit of both...
Im worse, because I feel my STBX was (is) the love of my life. I still believe, 9 months into our seperation that there is hope we will be together happily later in life. I feel ashamed of how I basically groveled in the beginning trying to save our marriage BY MYSELF. I miss so much about him. I cant stand his family most of the time, but miss them too. I miss our family trips just to get new shoes or to Old Country Buffet. I make many comparisons and am still not strong enough to look at pics without crying. I criticzie everything I did in our relationship and still blame myself for all of it falling apart. My kids are worse too...they have changed so much and are so much more angry and nasty then ever. I also think every guy I date is out to get me and hurt me and I end things before they get the chance to prove me right or wrong.
BUT...I am better, because I have calmed down a bit. Like someone else mentioned. I am much more tolerable of people. I used to fly off the handle...now I let it roll off me easier...just thinking..."You've been through the worst thing in your life, how bad can this be?". I also get out more, have rekindled many friendships that got put on the back burner because I never got to go out. I also in opposite senses am more trusting of guys I date. I'm not jealous about them having female friends and such because I know part of that is what ruined my marriage. I am striving to be everything I wasnt...I work FT now and take care of my kids completely on my own. I was too carefree before...with all the responsibility I have on me now, I feel purpose.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 1:52pm
i'm not sure yet. i want to say that i will be better, but the hurt and anger are so strong and real, i'm not sure i will ever know.
what
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Wed, 04-04-2007 - 1:57pm

In my case, divorce changed me and my life for the better in so many ways, it's just indescribable. My self esteem was completely shattered during my marriage. I felt like my soul was being poisoned every day. I suffered extreme neglect and emotional and financial abuse. If I had stayed, I honestly don't know if I would have maintained the will to live.

Since my divorce, I have remarried to a WONDERFUL man, I am FINALLY able to finish my college degree (could not get loans before because of ex's indebtedness and money mismanagement that I tried to eek us out of CONSTANTLY), I just have an overall brighter view of life. I have learned that it is possible to be happy, something I seriously doubted before. I feel very fortunate. In my case, it was a difficult decision, one I spent years agonizing over. But in the end, it's one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Pages