On "hating" men
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| Sun, 04-24-2005 - 3:10pm |
Did you all go through a phase where you just didn't like men anymore? I'm not saying it in a way to insinuate that I'm going to start dating women.....just that men disgust me for some reason. A really nice guy asked me out the other day and I would've normally been very polite while I said no, but instead I was kinda rude because it just grossed me out that I even was asked out. It wasn't him personally.....I think he could've been Orlando Bloom and I would've still said no....maybe...lol!
I don't want to dislike men and start stereotyping them, but MY GOD MAN! I need a break from the insanity or something. All I wanna do is hang with friends and not have to worry about being asked out by someone. I don't want that right now, even for as lonely as I am, I just don't want it. I'm kinda worried about how this is going to affect me in the long run.
Am I just healing and growing stronger? Or am I doing something else here?
TIA!
Rhiannon

rhianonsmoon...
Pianoguy (who is a male) can sense that you...along with other women who have experienced bad karma with men...are justifiable in your frustration.
orlando bloom?? lol
I think that its perfectly normal - i can say that i am going thru the same thng myself. not that i don't LIKE men, not that i am going to start dating women - but.... when i meet an available man, i have to start thinking "what's wrong with him that he's single" and "i just KNOW that he has annoying habits, all men do". stuff like that.
but, somewhere, deep down - i have a feeling that its our healthy instincts that are kicking in and saying "wait a minute" "slow down" "take it easy". there may be "something" that you just can't put your finger on (yet) but your gut is saying something to you. if you are not ready to start dating - then DON'T . there is nothing wrong with you!
Rhiannon, I'm willing to bet it's a phase. Eventually when you don't feel so bruised and the craving for non-demand socializing is satisfied, you'll feel differently about it. If in a few months you don't feel a bit more positive about the boys (I'm not saying ready to date, just more comfortable with them), that might suggest you're not moving ahead. For now it was one reaction.
As for the gentleman, you could apologize if you feel able, let him know it wasn't about him. It may or may not make things better. If anyone else asks, there's nothing wrong with saying you're not dating at this time. Breathe, hon. It gets better.
Well, if EVERY man was like MY STBX, i would have to feel the same way. But thank GOD ... they all arent. They CANT be! lol
Give yourself some time & have an open mind when you are READY. Until then, try not to be TOO rude!
Thanks to all for you input as usual.
I just so happened to see that "guy" tonite and I did indeed apologize to him and explain where I am at in my life and that I'm just not at a spot where "going out" seems like any fun.
I felt really bad for being so crude to him, I'm not usually like that.
None the less, at this point I can't trust a man with my heart or anything even remotely close to it (bladder, spleen, feet! LOL) So I'm just going to try to lay low and out of the limelight, so to speak. I'm not being arrogant when I say this, but being a pretty face in the crowd doesn't help matters much. I feel like every guy who talks to me, no matter where I am (i.e. grocery store, gas station, bar..etc.) just wants one thing.
Hopefully I'll know when a nice guy truly comes along and I won't be a "you know what" to him. I do want to meet someone sincere and true to themselves, but I'm just not ready for that yet. Tomorrow is a new day though, right? :o)
Love and Light,
~Rhiannon~
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Personally, although I know I have said things like "I'm not ready to trust a man", when I think about it what I really mean is that I haven't been ready to trust myself yet. I know there are decent men out there. I know I've got a good head on my shoulders and I'm actually a pretty good judge of character. But I let myself be fooled in the past (and I do believe I let myself be fooled because although I couldn't be expected to know all that was going on, there were warning signs that something was rotten in Denmark) and ignored my gut instinct because I let myself be swayed into believing there was something wrong with my instincts and I "should" trust certain people because they'd never do anything to hurt me. Since I understand my mistakes, I feel I can trust me and my judgement in the future. If I find Mr. Wrong, I don't think it will take me years of being treated like crap to figure it out. And who knows, I might find Mr. Right. But it's taken me a lot of time to feel this way.
I think we all go through this at one point... maybe not hating men ( or women ) but thinking that everyone is like the "habit" we knew before.
I was in that stump too. I guess you just have to learn that not everyone is like your ex. Will you run into people like him, yep, because that is what you are looking for. You are looking for that habit.
Someone told me once that you pick your destiny. I agree with that wholeheartedly. If you think he will leave you, he will. Now, this only works if you constantly push the subject..... like asking, Are you ever going to leave me? Do you love me? Are you lying? stuff like that... I know it sounds silly, but it's true.
I guess just look at everyone with an open mind. Get out of the habit of dating people that are like your ex. Try something new, someone you haven't even thought about in a "dating" sort of way. You just never ever know ;)
Hugs to you and good luck!
Angelena