Have to move back in with him

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Have to move back in with him
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 3:38pm

I am feeling very down & defeated right now. 2 years ago, this month I seperated from my husband of 8 years. However, at the time he was unemployed & we chose to co-habitate. We listed our home on the market, and I moved into my daughters room. It stayed like that until he became violent with me one night, and I saved my money & got into a rental home around the block. The very day I signed my lease he closed our bank accounts, changed the locks, took the home off the market, and filed for divorce. He also found a job, and hadn't told me.

A couple of months later I met a wonderful man, who I am still with now. He has helped me through everything. He came into my business with me, and has worked day & night to help me stay afloat since I have 4 kids to support. And he loves them. He has given me over $10,000 in help. Meanwhile, my ex barely works, and still lives in the mortgage free marital home. My boyfriend finally moved in with me in Aug, 1 yr after the divorce filing, and was helping me to pay rent because my debt has grown over the year. However, the owner of my rental didnt pay his mortgage & the house foreclosed in Oct.

In Dec 2011 we had a divorce hearing. The judge ordered the marital home back on the market. She also ordered he pay me $5000. However, I was asking to be allowed into the home, and he would

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 6:47pm

You're dead center in the middle of the storm and I know how you feel as I was there just a few years ago.

Remember, this too shall pass.

Do what needs to be done one day at a time and one day down the road, it will all be an emotionless memory.

Heck, you might even pull the few nuggets of good out and smile :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 2:45am

Sorry but it sounds like your stuck until the house sells and will have to make the best of a bad situation. Unless there is someone such as your parents or other relatives or friends that you could go stay with until the house sells. Then again if he's not keeping up the property it isn't going to be easy to sell if it looks like a pig sty. And he may be deliberatly doing that so he continues to have a rent free place to live. Your kinda stuck betwen a rock and a hard place right now. I wish I had more advice as to how you could get out of this situation. GOOD LUCK.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 11:53am

That doesn't sound like a great situation at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 5:37pm

I agree with Music and would add that when you go and live there make sure you go get an RO and court orders against him. This will not be easy especially on your kids.. I would suggest just keep to yourself and do your own thing and do not engage in any of his life or crap or whatever.....

I had to live with

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 9:07am

Thank you all for your support. As is stand right now his bullying tactics are working, and I am still in my foresclosed rental. This man has playes the system very well. He is not keeping up with the house to live there free- has been for nearly 2 years now. I don't think he will live with his girlfriend since she and her 2 kids live with her mother. He also has family right in our deed restricted community. I have nobody. My boyfriends family is all I have and they are 2 hrs away. Plus, he is only my boyfriend. Although a wonderful man we have yet to see what our relationship would be "not" going through a divorce.

The legal loophole my ex has is a court order form My 3rd, which has been thrown out. Basically, back then since he was living in the home, and hadn't paid me anything the judge asked him if he wanted to by me out. (Well, she asked his lawyer because he wasnt allowed in the room the way he was dressed) He says yes, he wants to buy me out. But- he barely works, so how? I knew it was another delay tactic. So, he was ordered to pay me $5000, give me my car back, and come up with proof of financing by 5/20. He was given possession until 5/20.He did none of those things, and was in contempt months later. In Dec we finally got a new hearing, and I got my $5000, the car, and the home ordered sold. We were both granted access to the home. Problem is, neither of us have recieved those documents yet. The courts here are so slow with everything.

So he calls me yesterday really nasty, after I've moved my things & the kids things back, and tells me I am not his problem, I am my boyfriend s problem & I can leave the kids with him and go stay 2 hrs away. First of all, Im not leaving my kids, and def not with him. 2nd, my business is my livlihood, and I cant be 2 hrs from there either. I work 10 hr days. Ofcourse it is past 4, and my attorney is closed. So I hold my ground on moving in, and he calls the police. Not wanting my kids to be traumatized again, and knwoing he has that old paper to present I left. The officer appluaded me for doing that, and was very nice. Told me he wouldve let me stay in the home regardless of order because we are both on the deed, and still married. But he was there last weekend with the girlfriend incident & urged me to be the bigger person. That's all fine if I had money to get into another rental.

So I remain in limbo, and my poor kids. They have such a bad father, but they dont see it yet. I don't put them in the middle. He is only selfish, doesnt care about them at all. He is making them stay in schools where they have a 3 hr ride each day, meanwhile I pass 3 schools on my way to work. He does this because he doesnt work, sits home in the free house, and the bus still drops them off there. My 3 boys are in baseball, a half hr drive away. They have practice from 7-9, we dont get home till nearly 10pm. Then they are up at 6:30am. I tried in Aug to change the school, but the judge denied it. I just wonder when all is said & done, when the house sells we wont get much, where and how will he live? Will my kids have to stay in those schools if he moves in with a gf? I spend $800 a month on gas running them everywhere. And I have a payment because he kept my car form me, I had to buy one. His truck is breaking down. How will he afford a payment and gas? I just wish he was feeling this financial pain now, rather than later. I would love to move 2hrs from here, wheer the city is. My business would floursih, but I awlays have to consider where this idiot lives. I have 4 great kids, but man do I feel dumb for not leaving sooner