Have you changed since your D?
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| Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:49pm |
I have been separated and/or divorced nearly 2 years now, and I have been thinking about how I acted, what I thought, how I saw things when I was married and how I see them now.
I would not say I have changed drastically, but since I'm "back on the market" I notice I spend more on clothes and shoes than I used to, I work out a lot more and eat better, and I have grown my hair back out, it's longer now than it's been since before I had kids.
Also I think I have become more of a feminist, or at least a feminist sympathizer. When I was entrenched in my M, I was much more conservative, politically and socially. Becoming a single mom has made me a lot more sympathetic and has given me a great deal of respect for single parents, especially single moms.
I have also taken a more casual attitude toward dating and sex. I'm still on my best behavior around my kids, but it is nice being able to be an adult and do adult things. I will probably settle down again, but it is nice to have fun and excitement.
I do have a rebellious streak in me I know, and my girl friends and my sister tell me I'm in my mid-life crazies. A lot probably has to do with me being free and on my own and finally accepting that I don't have to live in the same constraints I had when I was married. I'm getting my first tattoo in about 6 hours :D and I know I'm sure I would not have if I were still married.
Did anyone else loosen up after a divorce? Is it a stage?
Edited 7/30/2008 2:29 pm ET by marymom67

I'm interested in the responses that you get here. I have changed some since I split from my husband. Like you, I have grown my hair out and am perfect around my boys but, a tiny little bit wild on my own sometimes. I'm loving it! Being back on the market as you put it does have me paying attention to the little things a bit more, I've always been pretty conciuous of this sutuff but, had become a bit more conservative as a SAHM.
It feel pretty great to be on my own. I am still pissed because (as I have stated many times previously)of the moral message my stbxh sent my kids about family and commitment. But, for myself, I am so happy and free!
yeah, I have changed as well. I think the change started back then, when I figured out that was not going to work...
moving out was hard, but it definitely forced me to outgrow some simplistic approach to life. No-one is going to be responsible for me - and life feels tremendously lonely most of the time. yet it is my life - and I like that. I am happy that I am the maker of this life.
I never got to the "after break-up party" stage... not sure why. I wish I did, but I was to keen on re-building my life from many point of view, I just neglected the emotional part. I am definitely different in the way I can cope with most things in life, in my life and in my kids life, and my ex is completely external. I've learned not to expect anything.
I'm different in how I approach relationships. I think my big mistake early in my marriage was expecting my ex to be emotionally "there" for me all the time. I wanted him to work on the relationship too and the more I pushed the more he withdrew. I started doing my own things like getting back into running races and going back to school and started realizing that you can't rely on a man to be everything for you. By that time we had grown apart and I was ready to start my own life.
I'm presently in a relationship with a man that I've been with for a year and I've found that the more laid back and relaxed I am the more he wants to do for me and the more he wants to be with me. We have 5 days apart every other week when we have our kids so he has his space and hasn't had a chance to get bored with me. lol. You know the old saying "how can I miss you when you won't go away"? LOL LOL. I'm just enjoying the way things are right now and am enjoying the way my time is stretched out. I also have my girlfriends that I can talk to so that I'm not wearing him down.
I've enjoyed doing new things. My SO and I have been doing alot of different outdoor activities together. He's gotten into running and has gotten me involved with some of his favorite sports too. It's fun playing outside with the boys! Lots more fun than the mall and a chance to prove that women can be tough too.
Mary,
Yes, my life definetly changed after I was divorced. Through therapy I discovered I was a "people pleaser" and so I became "selfish" in a good way after my divorce.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
I think that divorce is just a period of change... and it causes us to really take a look at our lives, reassess... and it's an opportunity to do things differently without having to really answer to anyone but ourselves.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~