Have you ever?
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Have you ever?
| Wed, 04-06-2005 - 7:22pm |
I know all of us go thru lots of differnt emotions as we process what exactly is happening to our lives. Did you ever just have it hit you that somewhere in your marriage you got lost. I mean your personality who and what you are? DO you think it was part of the downfall of your marriage? I am just wondering because for the first time since he told me he wanted to seperate I am looking foward to what is to come mostly because I can be me again. I want to be that fun loving person who had a life. My marriage was my life. The only friends I had were mutual friends. I never had anywhere to go or anything to do without him. I have contacted a friend from before my marriage and she is helping me to get restarted. I am so looking foward to meeting my friend for lunch or even a girls night out. I know I am going to be single mom but I still think these things can and will happen with some prior planning. I get to be ME. That is exciting.

My ex-h and I didn't do much together, but I still lost myself. I think I lost myself even before I was married, I married for the wrong reasons. The entire time I just pretended I was happy and I was never myself. I promise myself that if I ever do remarry, I will only be with someone who loves my true self and I will not marry for the wrong reasons again (thanks to having a very good therapist).
This completely describes me in my marriage.
I lost myself in my marriage and my son. Everything I did completely revolved around him and our son. I would even get money for my birthday and go out and get H something or my son something. I would NEVER do anything for myself. This brought on depression, weight gain and the all around crabbiness that caused the demise of my marriage. I had no idea how bad I was being until I became me again and realized how much I lost of me. I like me now, I didn't before, even though I was living every moment for other people.
Although I am with someone else now and so is my ex, I can see the change in me and I can see how he hasn't changed a bit. I am proud of me for that. Everyone has told me how I seem happier and am a better person. I can be proud that I was given that opportunity. Even though I was hurt by him leaving me for another woman, I know now that it was the best thing that has ever happened to me.... where would I be now if I was still depressed, overweight and crabby??? nowhere ;)
I like me :)