Having a bad day

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Having a bad day
6
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 1:49pm

As I sit here a work, I have an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Recap-11/4/06 posted on relationship problems board
Posted another time on surviving divorce.
This is my third post

Husband has been talking to a girl from another state at all hours. Cell phone bill came in and in one month he has probably talked a total of 40 hours. He's looking to break that record this month.

Anyways, I still love my husband but I am not willing to share his love with someone he slept with but didn't have sex. He wanted a trial separation - I filed for divorce on 12/4/06. I was going to petition to have him leave the house until June when the kids were out of school and I could find my own place. I don't want the house we built together. Too many projects he started but never finished. He's buying me out of the house. This past sunday on one of his marathon talks, she gave him her "My Space" page. Since he did this on my work laptop, I went in to see what she looked like. Now, I am even more mortified. My STBX is hooking up with some chick who looks like dirt and instead of the boob job she has she should have paid for a nose job. I am obsessed with checking on his cell phone records and checking the OW "my space" account. What the "F" is wrong with me??? I know it's over but I wish I had a chance to be out of the house before he started this "S***". Problem is I feel sorry for him one day and the next he does "S***" to piss me off and I want to screw him over. He says he wants to be friends and still go out riding-he wants me to get a place so I can keep one of the two motorcycles he owns and we can ride. Trouble is can a divorce couple be friends after??

He works with me so it's hard not to be tolerable of each other. Problem is it is my family business he works for and he is coming and going whenever he wants which will become a problem. I personally think he is trying to lose his job so he could leave the state. I think he has become mentally confused but he won't seek help because nothing is wrong with him.

How do you give a marriage, a family, and a career over someone who looks like dirt??

Guess it shouldn't be my problem anymore. I will be taken care of. Hopefully the beast will take care of him soon.

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 3:50pm

Yikes - I think knowing or having seen her just makes it that much worse/harder for you. I think it just makes you question yourself and there is nothing wrong with you. Who knows what she has or has done for him. Sometimes just paying attention to someone is all that it takes. Try not to let her consume your thoughts. It would have been nice if he could have waited until later to start this relationship. When can you officially split and move out? The sooner the better for your sanity.

My H is a very handsome man and most women would consider him to be in better shape than the statue of David and he is successful to boot. That is all true, but he treated me like a babysitter and an extra paycheck and never as a cherished and appreciated partner or companion. Life with him has been lonely. We have two gorgeous daughters and I will always love him for that. I am sure as soon as he is out on the 'market' women will think they struck gold but I know better.

I too am hoping we will have a good friendly relationship once we are divorced. He says he hopes that too. We will see - there is a lot that has to happen to see if we can weather the storm. I do think it is possible to be divorced and still be friends though. There are some good examples of that on this board.

Hang in there - look after yourself and do what you can to get out of there. ((((((hugs to you)))))))
Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 5:47pm
Thanks for listening. It's hard to say when I can move on. He needs to get a loan for the house and pay me off for 1/2. I'm due over 100G which I really need to put down on a condo. (I'm sick of lawn mowing and snow blowing) My attorney says I'm jumping the gun a bit. I want out as so does he because I eavesdrop on his conversations late at night. Can't help it though. I'm taking the kids to FL between xmas & new years so once we are back I'm going to concentrate on finding my own place. We've already looked at some places, just need to get the financing situated which is the part in limbo (how much child support/alimony). I hope once I have my own place I can move on. My mother-in-law stopped by my work which was the first time I talked to her since my STBX told her of the impending divorce I initiated. Of course he failed to mention the marathon phone calls and planned visits to their vacation home. It's hard, some days I look forward to a new beginning and then 2 seconds later I'm scared as hell. I just keep thinking what goes around comes around and one day someone will break his heart as he has done to me. I do enjoy some of the posts from the leaders of this board. It's amazing how rational people become over time. I hope I can get to that same place
Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 6:10pm

OMG - You sound like me. One minute we're so supportive, even willing to make it easy for them, but when we start thinking about are they seeing someone, who are they, why, etc. it drives us nuts and makes us want to get revenge. I agree, why the f*** do they do it while they're still "in" the relationship? My X and I agreed cheating would be out of the question, there would be no need to cheat, we'd just end it, funny how I'm the only one that lived up to that deal.

All I can tell you is that it wasn't meant to be and someone you deserve will come your way, wish your STBX all the luck in the world (but seriously mean it) don't wish bad upon him, it's called Charma and will get you in the end.

My dad cheated on my mom throughout most of the marriage (even fathered a child outside of the marriage) and physically and verbally abused her as well, years later he ends up with this woman from hell who took him to "the cleaners" and has to deal with for the next 8 years until my brother turns 18, he divorced her but she's made his life living hell. Mom says he's paying for all he made her suffer.

Anyhow, good luck!

Margie

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 7:19pm
I'm sorry to hear the same story - I will end it before I cheat on you. Practice what you preach. You're right. I don't wish any harm on him. He is the father of my 2 kids and will always be my high school sweetheart and no one can take that away from me. We do have 20 years together (12 married). Thanks for your input. I just hope it will get easier in 2007!!! It can't get any worse.
Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 8:06pm

I don't know if it makes you feel any better but I am the same as you - one minute "I am woman hear me roar" and the next second I am wimpering like a baby. This is an awful roller coaster ride. I keep telling myself it is worse right now because we are in limbo. Very few people know that we have decided to call it quits early in the New Year. I know my father in law is on pins and needles as he knew we were seeing a counsellor and I know he wants things to work out. I know this split is going to be hard on him too. In the meantime H and I are both just trying to function as amicably as possible considering the situation and for the sake of the kids over the holidays. At times I feel sick to my stomache and others I am really looking forward to moving on - deep down I was ready to split two years ago. He initiated it this year but I seem to be more prepared for it than he is. Who knows what the future will hold but I also believe that at some point life will deal him an eye opening blow.

Hang in there,
Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 11:31pm

I thought it was funny as hell when my ex-bil and my kids all described the OW as white trash and a hick and a country bumpkin who is ignorant.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit