having a bad few days
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| Sun, 07-02-2006 - 5:01pm |
My husband has been gone for over a month now. These last few days have been hard on me. It's like I take 2 steps forward and 10 steps back. He was over today to visit with our 5 1/2 month old baby girl, and we were getting along good (I didn't go and talk to him, he keeps coming in the room I'm in), and now I'm even sadder than before he came. When he first got here and held the baby and was just holding her up to him and snuggling her and his eyes were closed I kept hoping and was having imaginary conversations in my head about him saying he made a mistake and wants to come home. Those imaginary conversations make it even harder. I try not to do that. I tried to keep busy, cleaning, doing laundry, ect, but they wouldn't stop playing in my head.
I still just don't understand how someone can just walk away from a 2 1/2 yr relationship, 6 month marriage, 5 month old baby, and just leave because they think they are still in love w/ their ex and move in with her after only 3 weeks of seeing her again.
I'm just having a bad few days here......

Do your best to take care of you. I wish for your fairytale to come true.
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
love4lila...
A man's perspective on your question from Pianoguy:
Men and women 'walk away' from living conditions that they feel they don't wish to address...or are basically "NO WIN SITUATIONS!" Stress and responsibility are 2 reasons why. But it's entirely possible your husband 'fell out of love' with you? .
While it would be nice to think that every partner is PERFECT, you and I both know that's not true! ALL OF US have flaws....some more obvious than others! And if those flaws bother us enough...one or both halves of a couple will become annoyed. These leads to divorce, separations or living in different areas of the same house!
Sadly...and I think this applies in your case...a few of us substitute fantasy situations or conversations to try and bring ourselves comfort? You pretty much did this when you saw your husband snuggling with your daughter. Unfortunatly, what a man might feel for an infant or a child can't always be transferred toward a spouse or g/f! There's just too much 'history' between them...and some of it isn't always happy? :(
You didn't go into reasons for your break-up, but judging from the limited time frame the 2 of you were actually 'co-habitating'...it's clear (to me anyway) that your husband wasn't ready to take on the responsibilities that are connected with marriage?
Just to let you know, there are men who can easily make a transition from being single to becoming devoted, responsible, loving husbands. There are others WHO CAN'T...or WON'T!
Try and cheer up a little, okay?
Pianoguy
I just want to add a bit of our history. We were together for 2 1/2 years (not a long time against a lifetime, I know) and were engaged for 6 months before we got pregnant). He also has an 8 yr old daughter that he has full time (mom MIA for 2 years), so he is familiar with responsibilty. But responsibility of a child and baby are different. He was not in older daughter's life until she was about 4.
I do think though that he is with his ex again because both of their kids are older and can be left with any sitter and he can go out more often and drink. The kids also don't need 24hr attention. They were both big partiers when they were together before (BIG partiers, both w/ no jobs at the time). When we started dating, I put a nix on all his nights out because he was a family man and I didn't think when you are in a relationship that you needed to still go out 3-4 nights a week. He still did go out, but it was down to once a week, a compromise I thought we both were fine with (guess I was wrong). The last few months, there was a lot of beer being drank at home. His last two weeks here, he went through a bottle of Bacardi, all by himself.
I just need to stop deluding myself that he may come home. I think if I can let go of that delusion, I will be able to heal faster.
Mine left after 4 years together, I had JUST gotten home from a near fatal accident and he wanted to go back to his ex from high school. We have been divorce 4 months and he is talking about getting married...
I don't think I understand any better than you, but I know what you are going throguh, and as hard as it has been for me, its does get some better. The first step is accepting your situation, accept the fact that he has made this decision and there is not anything you can do about it. The more you harp on it and the longer you hope the worst it is.
You have a beautiful baby to put all this extra love into, so just concentrate you on and your baby right now.
Acceptance is the first step, then if its meant to be it will works itself out, but you cannot make it work out.
I heard DR. Phil say once that " a broken relationship can be fixed ONLY when BOTH parties WANT to fix it and can dedicate themselves to working diligently together every step of the way."
If he beleives this is what he wants, regardless of how it works out in the end, you have to respect that and accept it, because I know from experience you CANNOT make it work by yourself.