Having an Emotional Setback

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Having an Emotional Setback
7
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 1:36am
Hi all! I have not posted in a while because, well, I've just been very busy being a single mom to two boys and returning student. Anyhoo...I have been super strong and successful during this incredible ordeal (caught husband cheating w/coworker and he then ran off with her!) and am pretty close to the end. We have our separation agreement hammered out and after thats done I will consent to an immediate divorce (husband is a cheating rat and MD rewards the adulterer with an immediate divorce). I really have been well but, all the sudden, I am filled with all this hate and rage again. I'm awake right now because, I had this horrible nightmare about my stbxh and his skank girlfriend ruining my life and making me insane (I woke up when my dream had me in the back of a poliece car with maggots all over me...charming, right?!?!!? I did get to dream about assaulting her...sadly, I didn't enjoy it because, everhting in the dream was soooo creepy and horrible) I need a bit of help clearing my mind and getting back to a good place emotionally. Any words of wisdom? I need them, please!!!! My husband is just such a heartless a**. I have been dealing with him alot lately and the stress of getting this agreement signed is REALLY getting to me!!!! Help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2007
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 5:36am
not sleeping and crazy dreams are my life! you are doing so great dont let them set you back. my husband is ending our marriage and i just found out this week! so i cant eat sleep or function without thinking about the whole mess. i think we need to be strong for our kids who knows what will happen in the end. maybe we should take hot baths and lite candles and try to relax..easier said than done i know...how are you moving on with such grace? things are going to be fine in your life you sound like you have kept it together this long dont stop now!! and screw the x's little slut she wont last long!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 7:28am
Awww...thanks for your reply. You are supporting me at such a terrible time for you, what a woman you are! I remember that first week and I felt exactly as you described - what a terrible time. You will be fine, just see a lawyer, collect and copy every document you can think of (everything, banking, birth certs, marriage, titles, etc...), start a journal, and see a therapist at least two or three times (I'm not big on that stuff but, it did give me a feeling of calm. The bath and candles is a great idea. I was very lucky to have family who were very supportive (my parents and my sister). They really helped alot, my dad helped me buy a house that I just moved into. Being totally prepared and knowledgeable will really help you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 9:54pm

Yep, those dreams (nightmares) will get you down. Been there, done that! I dream my hubby is sitting on my back and I can't breath. Gee, let's see...I have supported him for 26 years, I've "taken care" of him (his has acute chronic back pain) even when he "self medicates", I've made excuses to family and friends for him, I've attended all kinds of outings alone because he "didn't feel good" ( yet could go out with his friends).
I think it IS kind of like carrying a weight on my back. Before I left 10 months ago I was having really bad anxiety attacks at night. Dr. told me I needed to get rid of whatever was causing the stress or it was going to kill me. The emotional roller coaster and verbal abuse were literally affecting my health. I've only had this dream twice in the 10 months I have been alone. Oh, yeah, I get lonely, but I also sleep really good now!!

Hang in there, it does get better.

Hugs 2 u
T

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 1:14pm

Amyality,

Having nightmares is a common sign of post tramatic stress syndrome. It can get pretty serious and going through a divorce is a great way to get it. (I am in the same situation myself). I have found that journalling my emotions, including my EXACT feelings about my soon-to-be-ex-husband (stbxh) has aliviated the nightmares. If you aren't used to this, just buy a cheap spiral notebook from Wal-Mart or any other store and just write, don't judge yourself on spelling, grammer or 'whether you are feeling correct emotions.' If you are having trouble beginning it is alway easier to get in touch with your emotions by asking yourself a question, any question will get you started.

I hope that helps you the way it has helped me.

shaney13

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2003
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 3:22pm
Thanks! That is a good idea. My sister has been encouraging me to do that too. I have never been really into it but, might just give it a try.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2007
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 12:08pm
I think sometimes that we need to realize that while going through a divorce we are going to have good days and bad days. It's O.K to go from feeling fine, to great, and then back to sad or hurt. I've been separated for a year now, and my divorce is just a few weeks away from being final. I was doing great until I got word that the papers were ready to be signed.......and it's like I emotionally regressed. And you know what.......thats O.K. We are humans who have emotions and sometimes we need to realize that we are going to have good days and bad days. So, it is normal that you feel this way......its part of the process. Just take a few moments, hours, days and realize that this too shall pass.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Sun, 06-10-2007 - 3:08pm
Keeping a journal is great. You can go back in a year or whenever and see how far you have come. You will be amased. It also helps you to keep track of things. In my most troubled times I have written in a journal and I am shocked by how bitter I was at times. It is better to write out your anger than to take it out on an innocent store clerk. Been there, done that.