Having a real hard time

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Having a real hard time
3
Fri, 06-30-2006 - 11:39pm

Just when I think I'm getting a handle on coping with my divorce I hit a day like today. I feel so alone right now. I feel like it is just me and my cats in this world. That everyone has forgotten all about us especially STBX. I don't know why I expect STBX to even think about us. I am self inflicting misery and pain thinking about him and his hussy girlfriend. Why do I do it? I know it is going to hurt and that it is getting me no where but yet I can't stop thinking about him. It is almost like a drug addiction. You know it is bad for you but you can't help yourself from taking a dose.

How do you handle the lonliness? I learned to be more comfortable with being alone but not enough to keep from aching this way. What makes it even worst is I know he's not alone himself. He has moved on with his life. So why can't I move on myself. I was asked when I was going to let go of STBX? I couldn't give the person an answer. I don't know how to let go. God knows I want to let go of him. I'm so tired of feeling the way that I do. What do I need to do to completely and finally let him go?

I'm sorry if i sound like I'm rambling and not making any sense. My mind is like one big mixed up salad. I just don't know what to do anymore. What more can you do to cope when you've been trying to do your best already? What happens when your best is not enough?

I hate knowing what I need to do but not how to do it or I know the how part but it isn't happening. I have never in my entire life read so much as I have this year trying to get over this hurdle. I have been reading anything I can get my hands on about divorce and learning to move on beyond it. The theories are great but I wish I could put them into practice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 12:48am
Hi, welcome to the board. I am not a regular but in and out of here for several years... I expect you will receive many advice to go coulseling. I was given that advice, and I have been in counseling last 2 years. I takes time and effort to move forward, but it will happen when your feelings are healed. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 6:51am

starlit625...

Pianoguy thinks that loneliness is the one 'after-effect of divorce' that most people have the toughest time with? As a matter of fact, PG is STILL making the adjustment and the 5th anniversary of divorce #2 comes up at the end of October!

It's at this moment in your life when you seek out the friends and family members you trust...and let them try and help you through the process? While they WON'T have all the solutions, they can at least provide you with a little emotional comfort?

There will always be moments of regret, bitterness, and sadness that will resurface from time to time. But hopefully, you won't let these dictate or determine your future?

If possible, try to rechannel some of your loneliness in the direction of the interests, along with the possibility of meeting new people, which might please you? You're not going to completely escape from ALL your loneliness and disappointment, but if you can gradually "make the segue" to happier pursuits...the transition might become a little easier over time?

Here's hoping??

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 07-01-2006 - 8:40am

I think the lonliness and rejection are two of the most difficult parts of a divorce to cope with. Do you journal? When I was feeling REALLY horrible, lonely, depressed, etc., I'd journal. After I was done, I would feel MUCH better, like I had let the poison out. Also, my therapist suggested "scheduling" times to think about the divorce or the ex. And if I started thinking about him at other times, I would tell myself to STOP! At first, I allowed myself to think about it first thing in the morning, twice more during the day, and then before bed. As time went on, I "scheduled" fewer sessions. Now, that's not to say it didn't pop in to my head many other times during the day. But those were the only times I would set aside to really think about things and cry.


Remember, be patient with yourself. This is all very new to you.




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