He is asking for second chance.
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| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 7:55pm |
I’ve been coming here for a little over year now, and it has helped me through so much. Just by knowing that am not alone. I do mostly reading, wrote in a few times.
I was married for 16 years and my divorce was final last month. My xhusband said he no longer was in love with me. He has been gone now for a year and a half. We have 3 kids, ages 16, 12 and an 18 month old. He left a week after I had our last baby, which was not planed, but a blessing to me. He severed me with divorce papers, I bought him out of the house we owned together. He just made me go thru so much hell. I found out when left that he had met someone before he even moved out, even before I had the baby. And here is the worst thing, he wanted to name the baby, so I let him, not knowing the name put the baby was the other women’s name, and I didn’t find out until later about this. Now my baby has this name, that secret no one knows, but me. My xhusband was my first love, and it’s been hard to get over him. After everything he has put me through, I still love him, what fool I am. And the baby names, I should hate him. The relationships he had with the other women, didn’t last. He thought this women was he sole mate, she was this perfect women in his eyes. Didn’t even last a year. Now, he is living with this guilt of what he did, and now that is hard to fix. He is trying so hard to get me to forgive him. I let him know how much he hurt me. He claims that if I was a loving wife, who I thought I was being, that I was not giving him the attention he needed in marriage, I lead him to another women. That was his doing not mine. I will not take the blame for that. Maybe there were things I could have done better, but betrayal was not the punishment I deserved. I forgave a lot of sorry’s in this marriage, this betrayal was the first time, and I really believe that.
Now he comes to me, to see if there is a second chance for us. I still love him, but I just can’t get the words out he wants to hear. I can’t say yes or my heart can’t not say no. My life right now is at peace, he did have a temper on him that I do not miss. It was like walking on eggs shells living with him at times. This man who left me with intentions of not turning back, is crying to me now to forgive him. How can I even trust him again, that if things don’t workout again or the way he think it can be, he is going to run for the door again. My family, who has been there for me, has hate for him now. There will be a lot of disappointed people towards me. But its my choice to make, and I can’t even do that. I feel any which way I may regret it for the rest of my life. This was a dream when he left that I wanted to happen, and now that its real, I don’t even know what is right. Does second chances work? Has anyone gone thru this? I thank everyone of you for all the wisdom and advise you guys give. Just reading has made me stronger each day that I come to this broad.

Oh honey! Do I feel for you. I would like to offer my opinion- Go on with living your own life. It's one thing to work on your friendship and whatnot, but no way would I think it's a good idea to get back together. Your child is a wonderful gift no matter what her name is. However, your X did you a huge emotional 'slap' by choosing this name. You sound like a strong person that really will survive.
To recap- I'm not saying to kick him to the curb from your life. I'm saying I think you deserve someone that will respect you.
Good luck!!
deb
"He claims that if I was a loving wife, who I thought I was being, that I was not giving him the attention he needed in marriage, I lead him to another women. That was his doing not mine. I will not take the blame for that."
Gal,
You have a good head on your shoulders. He followed his "other head" and that got him in trouble. And, yes, now he's suffering the consequences of his actions: a lost marriage, a broken heart, and a massive case of "buyers remorse." Oh the webs we weave! He's gotten pretty tangled up in the one he made!
It's also true you can love someone despite their flaws. That doesn't mean however that you have to accept abuse from them.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Past behaviors are a good predictor of future behaviors, and I found that to be true with my stbx. Walking on eggshells? Not good for your health. I say don't look back. He made the mess and I guarentee you he won't clean it up.
GL