He called kids to change pick up time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
He called kids to change pick up time.
7
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 8:41am

Last night ex called kids to ask "what would be a good time to pick you guys up tomorrow?" Huh? (The schedule is dad Sundays 9am to Tues 6pm). They told him "well you came at 10am last week how bout that?" Now I made plans to go shopping with a friend and we wanted to be at the store at openign of 10am. She is well aware of my wishy washy ex. So, she will understand.

So, I am going to take him aside at pick up once more and try to make this more clear. I will explain that 9am is his scheduled parenting time. I will be making plans based on that p/u time. If that time is not convenient please let me know now before this is all turned into a judge. (we are currently finalizing the divorce agreement, yet had agreed on the schedule) It will spare us all the trouble of having to go back to court, which I wll do. I want a schedule. I had offered him 7pm pick up time on Sundays with the option of having them earlier if he gave me notice. This was due to the fact that he sleeps all day and never feeds them dinner and never does anythign with them.

Then, he plays the "father of the year role" at negotiation time, so of course I cant deny him reasonalbe parenting time. I just know he will never use it.

This is so infuriating. I have accepted the fact that this man created a family with me and left me to do all the raising. In fact, I did most of the rearing while he was here anyway. But, to have no consideration for others schedules? Even tho this concept of parenting time has been spelled out to him several times over.

argghhh,
Jan

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 8:50am
Hey, I'm in the same boat this morning! Ex and I switched nights with this weekend because we each had other plans. So....he's supposed to pick DS up this morning. When is he going to show? Who knows!




Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 9:52pm
He needs to discuss that with YOU.... not the kids.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 10:09pm

So, he arrived at 10:45am. I asked him to plz let me know if there is a change in the schedule for pick ups or drop offs. He replies that he called the kids. I tried to explain that he needs to notify me not them. His response in so many words are that I am "too intense". That "the divorce agreement is not signed yet and that you have custody of the children." I told him that it is not unreasonable for me to expect a scheduled pick up and drop off time, especially one that we agreed on verbally. I told him to plz call his lawyer because just because the divorce agreement is not signed (due to the fact that we are jibbering about certain wording on other issues) doesnt mean that we do not have a temporary visitation arrangement going here.

Any suggestions? Should I fight about the arrangement that is already agreed upon, since he is obviously not going to abide by it? Should I send him a note that since he wants to keep this so wide open to 'whatever' then I am just going to go about my business that the kids are my responsibilty all the time and if and when I am home and the kids are available then maybe he will see them, cuz nothing is in writing? I mean come on. By his standards then I could jsut plan to go to places on days that he is supposed to see the kids. We just might be gone and unavailable until the agreeemnt is signed. I know thats not the righ thing for the kids, but i want to be able to rely on a schedule. So, that maybe I can plan my days. Should I jsut contact my atty, who btw just sent me my latest bill that consisted of $3000 worth of billable hours last month. All by the doings of stbx and stbx atty phone calls to my atty. And what can my atty really do for me? Make him be more selfless? Make him want to pick kids up on time? At one point while the kids were waiting for their late dad, dd(8) said "Daddys not going to come get us because he doesnt love us anymore"

I cannot beleive human beings exist like this. So, selfish and self centered. They have no pride at all.

Any advice will be gladly appreciated,
Jan

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 10:11pm
I know he NEEDS to....how do you MAKE him?...arghhh
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 10:19pm

You tell him that the pickup time is 9:00... and if he isn't there by 9:15 or hasn't made prior arrangements for an alternate time WITH YOU.... that you'll include the kids in your plans, carry on with your day... and he looses his turn.


Let him show up at 10:45 to an empty house and no kids


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 7:06am

Hi thanks,

Yeah I did that a couple of w/e ago. He lost the whole w/e when he showed up 3 hours late, because I took the kids with me on my plans which was out of town. Last w/e he wanted to bring them back 2 days earlier. To which I refused (not enough notice given and I had to work) and sent him a very nice note about the parenting time again, reminding him about times and such.

Now this w/e. The kids were looking so forward to seeing him. I had gotten them new "things" to take and keep at Daddys house. They had been packed for days. What a jerk. Guess I just gotta keep pluggin away. Setting up my boundaries and when they are crossed then too bad for him. (kids too unfortunatley)

Jan

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 8:04am
Could you do the drop-off instead? If he lives close enough, you drop them at his house. When dealing with someone selfish and self-centered like that (could my stbxh be his brother?!) it may just be an issue that turns up over and over again. Maybe if you say it enough times and reiterate it in the orders he will eventually get it. I hope it works out for you. If it makes you feel better you are not alone!