"He doesn't/didn't want the divorce..."
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| Sat, 01-27-2007 - 4:17pm |
Many of us struggle/d with the fact that we were the ones to file for divorce. I see many wonderful women on this board torn up by guilt because they initiated the divorce proceedings, then their H decided he didn't want the divorce. He started being a decent husband, father, etc. Let me ask you this - was he thinking about NOT getting a divorce when he cheated, or drank, or ignored you, or stayed out until all hours, or spent the bill money on his toys and entertainment, or just simply treated you poorly? Did he listen to your repeated pleas for change or to go to counseling? Most of the women here didn't just spring it on their H that they wanted a divorce. Most of us gave these men chance after chance after chance, usually, to our own detriment.
So if you question if your H, STBX, or EX really wanted the divorce even though you filed, the answer is often YES. They showed by their actions that they DID in fact want a divorce. They just weren't the ones to actually file the papers.
I know this isn't accurate for every case, but I really do feel that often, the woman who files carries around a tremendous amount of guilt for something that is not 100% her fault.

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I know, never mind that being with my H is making me physically and mentally sick! What about my health??
As a child of divorce, I can say that my mom did me a FAVOR by leaving my dad. Ugh, the early memories of their fighting over his issues were awful. Thank goodness I didn't have to grow up with that. I still saw my dad, but sometimes I didn't even enjoy that due to his issues.
I just wish I could get some support. I'd give my H away in a heartbeat if I could - I think that says A LOT!
This thread hits home with me as well. He never wanted counseling to deal with our issues. I've told him I was unhappy and wanted to leave him in the past. None of that mattered. It went in one ear and out the other.
When I finally want the divorce, he acts as if it's out of the blue. He promises to go to counseling, but based on his messages to me I sense he's more concerned about fixing ME than himself. He doesn't even ackowledge that I was unhappy with him. He goes on and on about how wonderful he was to me. (Barf!!!!)
I'm sorry. I've gone through a lot of guilt and still feel it from time to time, but the truth is I did try. I was unhappy. Eventually I stopped loving him. I just don't want to be with him anymore. His attitude was too much.
You mention giving him away... LOL! It speaks volumes when I think to myself that if he could just move on and find another woman, life would finally be good. Why don't I feel jealousy or regret? Because this is right. This is the right choice for me.
We separated over two months ago. He still won't let me go. I just want to be free. I wish for the miracle that he'd actually understand why I was so unhappy with him. But that will never happen. For as long as he lives, I will be a selfish b**** to him. Oh well. Guess it's about time I think about myself. ;)
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