He found a way to mentally torture me!
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He found a way to mentally torture me!
| Thu, 06-09-2005 - 8:46pm |
& i KNOW i should not even be giving it any thought - but it really bothered me.
1st off, I picked Ave up from him this AM & he said "btw, i got passed over for the fire fighter position. An old boss gave me a bad reference (this boss was from 2 yrs ago, M was out of work on "disability" for alcohol & depression/anxiety during the time, basically screwing the system & his work, he left off a boat once w/o telling anyone, just up & left during the day & they had the Coast Guard out looking for him b/c they thought he fell off the boat they were working on! So ... he left a GREAT impression with them!) , plus, what you did". yeah, what *I* did ... he meant the restraining order.


hi there-
oh wow. that is all i could think when was reading your post. I was so sorry to read this update on you guys. My heart is hurting for you right now. When you wrote this "as long as she had her Daddy & he could comfort her, all was well in his world.
" I totally identified with that, because that is how my husband used to be with our son too, and it blows my mind now that he is missing out on so many things with him, by his choice. And my husband has no plans to move away. that would be heartbreaking. as much as i'd love to go a month (or longer!) without seeing him, i would hate that for my sons. i know that you are a strong, good mom to your gorgeous daughter. i totally have faith that if he goes, or even if he stays and continues to flake out on his responsibilities, or blame you for the situation he is in, you will find a way to make it make sense to your daughter, and to make sure she knows not all men are this way, or that it's not something in her that made her dad act like this. i know those are adult conversations for later down the road, but i'm sure you imagine having them with her. with a mom like you, she will always be ok, no matter what.
btw, thank you for your response to my post last week about my first court date and my husband talking about quitting his job. i was so angry with him, and wasn't sure i had a right to be, and your message made me feel better. i've read it lots in the past week when i'm having a rough time, thank you.
thinking good thoughts for you and your daughter
bridget
Poor Avery! That is so unfair of him. He is trying to punish you and have his little pity party and is dragging his sweet daughter along for the ride. He sounds like such a 'victim'. YOU did this to me, it's all YOUR fault. As far as the RO goes with him not getting the job, that bad reference was probably more than enough to get him passed up for it. However, by bringing it up he's making it your fault that he lost that job oppurtunity and thus your fault that he is having to go away. I'd be willing to bet that on some level he is really bluffing on this. He just wants to get to
I'm so sorry to hear this new development. It sounds to me like you're not letting him get to you anymore, and all through this you've been trying to maintain the relationship between him and Avery. So in his mind "aha! the way to get to R is to use that relationship." Sad, but likely at least partly true.
It could be that you're supposed to beg him to stay and maybe the thought of him leaving will be enough to make you realize how much you need him back. If that's the case, when he sees it's not working you likely won't hear any more of this plan. Or it could be that he realizes he can't control you anymore. So he could be petty enough to follow through on this, thinking this is the way to punish you. Either way, unfortunately there's no way you can make him act like a mature adult. He's not going to wake up and realize that he's made his own bed. He's too busy blaming everyone else (eg. you & his old boss for him not getting the new job) for the consequences of his own actions.
If he does go, all you can do is give Ave 100% of your love, try to soften the blow as much as you can, and keep her in counselling. I'm not going to say it will have no effect on her, but she can grow up to happy and healthy even if he's not in her life. Remember, if he is in her life he may have a positive effect, but there are also some potential negative effects that you have to be on the watch for.
-sang
Honey, I know exactly how you feel. I dont understand our ex's one bit. My ex pulled the same crap on me saying in a month or two he will probably move to PA, we live in NY now. I asked him how could he even consider doing something like that. His answer, he needs to find a job paying at least $14 an hour. WHAT! He's been out of work for like 3 months and has not even really committed to look for a job. Its like they all read from the same book. I told him when will you see him if you move, you hardly see him now. He says he'd be off from his "new job" on the weekends. HA! He's been out of work for 3 MONTHS. I can count on 1 hand how many times he's taken him for the day and he has NO job, and by car lives like 45min away, by bus like 2 hrs. So he's gonna move to another state and have time for him.
Our son used to be everything to him also. But ofcourse he says I, I took that away from him along with everything else. I ruined his life. They are ridiculous. He hardly ever sees his son now so busy with his young gf. It breaks my heart. We argued on Mon and Tue b/c I told him he doesnt spend enough time with the baby and he says he sacrificed alot when he was first born and he'll see him when he can. He says if he doesnt see him that often now why am I so worried it's his loss isnt it. I said fine. But I wanted to kick his butt.
Hang in there honey. I dont know why these things happen to us but we have to be tough and strong for our kids. Just pray. Things will get better, they just have to
Hugs to you. This will pass.
I'm definitely "for" the equity for child support route.... and does he have life insurance??????
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~