He leaves for his trip to see OW today..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
He leaves for his trip to see OW today..
10
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 9:22am

Many of you know my story, for those who don't - here is

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2008
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 10:11am

Hello Hurtnlost,


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2008
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 12:01pm

Hi hurtnlost -


I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through today.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 12:24pm
I can imagine that for a lot of people having an affair and meeting someone new is very exciting.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 9:30pm

Thank you all for your thoughts and for sharing your experiences. Sometimes I just feel so angry and so alone. It makes me feel much better to come here and be reminded that I am not the only one who is hurting and that I am not alone.

I have discovered a whole new depth to my anger these last few days. I can't believe how mad I am - I was mad earlier in this process but then it was focused on my broken heart. Now the anger seems to be focused more on his irresponsibility to the children and his lack of commitment to our family - I am having issues adjusting to the whole idea of being a single mother, being abandoned by him (essentially), and just dealing with the anger of the feeling that I have somehow been left holding the bag and he is out having a party. It is so unfair it makes me just feel crazy angry inside.

Even though my feelings for him are beginning to change, and I know he is no longer the man I thought he was or the man I loved, it still makes my heart ache and makes me feel so sad to know he will spend the next 10 days in someone else's arms..... I am trying hard not to get sucked in by the drama - the feeling that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to me... but it is. It is easy to focus on all the things I hate in my life right now....

~Hurtnlost

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2008
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 11:09pm

You're not alone! Positive vibes headed your way as you cope with his actions and the divorce. I am so sorry he's inconsiderate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sat, 05-03-2008 - 6:39am

Lost,


My first thought about your situation is your husband was looking for an excuse to get out of the marriage. This convention fling might be it, except he's only had a taste of another life, he hasn't lived it day in and day out. The bloom may come off this rose real quick, especially since we're talking about a person from a completely different culture here, nevermind, a different country.


He may find his new GF "exotic" in the U.S. but he may have a real eye opener on her home turf. So, there's a possibility he'll return from his trip with a little reality check under his belt, perhaps not enough to come home and stay there, but he might realize he's not being "real."


That said, do what you need to do to help yourself. If you haven't found a counselor, now is as good a time as any. Plus, you'll need to keep being "real" too in that you'll need to know your rights and responsibilities in the event of divorce. So, do find an attorney to consult.


Good luck and make small goals for yourself each day. It will help you stay focused on the future, instead of your husband-come-adolescent!


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Sat, 05-03-2008 - 11:38pm

I think you are right on the money. It was his excuse to leave the marriage (the coward). I don't know that it really matters how things turn out with this OW. Clearly he doesn't love me anymore and our marriage is over. We have been going through mediation (and will continue to do so). Things are still, remarkably, amicable as I have managed to keep a positive attitude with him and share the brunt of my anger elsewhere (including with the counselor I have been seeing). We have pretty much reached all needed agreements (parenting plan, division of debts and assets and negotiation of spousal support and child support). It is just a matter of meeting with the mediator and getting it all down and signed.

However this trip just still makes me sick to my stomach. I really and truly loved him. I hate that he is going to be gone over mothers day and our anniversary. He is so selfish. I know I have to focus on myself and the kids now but it is SO hard....

~Hurtnlost

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2008
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 9:30am

Dear Hurtnlost


My 50 year olf husband has just ended our 28 and a half year marriage as he has fallen in love with a 29 year old chinese girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 11:09am

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this as well. I really love the internet - I never thought I would meet anyone who understood what this kind of situation is like.

Like you, I have had many thoughts about him and about her over these last few days. It is like torture. My STBX was a very good and loving man as well (at least I thought he was).... this makes no sense to me but I guess it probably won't ever make sense to me...

Take care of yourself as well... I hope you have some friends/family/counseling to support you during this time. Not that that will take care of all the pain but it has been the only thing helping me through...

~Hurtnlost

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2008
Sun, 05-04-2008 - 11:33am

Thank you for your thoughts.