He is making me nuts

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
He is making me nuts
4
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 6:47am

I have read first in betrayed spouses and now here for some time. Maybe I am looking to vent more then anything as I know the direction I am going -

Quick background - 21 years married together 25 total -3 kids with one under 18. Three years ago spring knew something was wrong - found out about the affair in August. After the denials, the yelling, the counseling we decide to rebuild. Fast forward through the last two years where there were multiple times I found out he was seeing her again or now probably still is a better word. Last spring and the second to last discovery - used a hidden GPS tracker on his car - told him that's it -we are dong one last stint at counseling and gave him specific things he had to do to assure me his promises were true (this time) Summer goes well although the list of 3 specifics g,oes with reminders undone. Fall inkling that all is not well - tracker back on the car and well now divorce. I could fill, as we all can, a book with the details that made up the last three years

For me it is easier in some respects - I am the breadwinner in the house and overall fiscally healthy. He is out of the house although I am not limiting access to the kids. We are overall amicable and working on filing jointly -

So here is the the vent - after chasing this skirt for three years - and the quote from November was he wasn't sure if he was in love with her or not --NOW he of course wants to save us and is no longer wants her. She (2 kids) has too much baggage. I have told him we are getting divorced period - I am sure his remorse is more having the reality of what life costs and how sweet he had it - It is beyond my ability to understand that he could chuck his marriage - and then chuck her - what an idiot. I have told him - you have destroyed us and if you were the least bit smart you would stay with her and repair your life with the kids to the best of your ability.

It all defies understanding - and is making me nuts

My next steps are if he keeps on with the "you could forgive me and take me back" plea is to limit his time at the house. My kids are upset with me some as we have not been completely honest that the relationship was a full blown affair and why would I divorce over a secret 'friend' Some day they may better understand emotional affairs are worse in many ways then sexual

It all just makes me so angry - and amazes me some that he discarded his married world for this person to then discard her (supposedly) and think he can work his way back in my life -

On a closing note - for those who have felt guilty about snooping - and we all have

DON'T - you have a right to be whole - they are the ones running around and lying. Look at their cell phones, pay attention to their pockets as they might have a second cell phone - mine did - get a GPS tracker that you can down load info only costs a couple of hundred - protect yourself and listen to that little voice - it is probably right.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 9:20am

Hi Mom,


Well, here's what I know about men who cheat and supposedly leave the marriage for greener pastures only to show up again on your doorstep asking you to take them back:


1)They

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2006
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 7:51pm
I heard the
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 03-06-2008 - 10:04pm

Thanks for the words - a tough day today as he signed the joint divorce paperwork - he was upset and I got upset. This is so not what I wanted but two years of trying leaves one rung out.

Counseling is in full swing except for the marriage counseling. I am considering joint counseling if nothing else to get the message through that we are done as an and wife. I can be amicable but nothing more

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2007
Fri, 03-07-2008 - 11:54am
Go out and get yourself Pat Benatar's song "It's a Little to Little its a Little too Late", sing it loud and proud, make it your mantra!