He is moving out and I am sad..
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| Mon, 04-21-2008 - 12:32pm |
Well.. for those of you who don't know my story.. I have been around here for about two months. I have been married for 18 years and have three children. My STBX announced to me in late february that he doesn't love me anymore, no longer wants to be married to me, etc. etc. (you know the drill). It then comes out that he is having an affair (which was less than week old when he told me about it). This woman lives in another country. He is going to take a 'vacation' to see her next week.
All this time we have been living in the same house (not in the same room). Life has been okay. We have been amicable (as much as possible) and have co-parented our children, etc.
I told him he absolutely had to move out in advance of his 'trip' as I had no intention of seeing him off/welcoming him home. The whole thing hurts me terribly. So he is going to be moving out tomorrow - which will give the children time to adjust to him being out of the house before he disappears for two weeks out of the country (and out of contact with them).
I have had a very hard weekend as I have begun to really think about what it will mean when he moves out tomorrow. I kept thinking things like 'this is the last time he is going to cook breakfast for our family' etc. lots and lots of lasts.
I am so sad and having a very hard time focusing today. For those of you who have been here before - what was it like when he finally left? I am so scared I won't really be able to make it on my own. The financial part is okay but I am really worried about how I am going to cope with my own sadness and help my kids through this whole thing.
Tonight is our last night living in the same house. ever. I moved right out of my parent's house and in with him. I have never lived alone in my life. How do I say good-bye to him? How do I pull myself together? what is going to become of me?
I would appreciate any words of encouragement, insight, etc. I feel so very sad.
~Hurtnlost

Well, Since my STBX and I still live together I am not sure about how it feels or what will help. However, in reading your story I wondered whether your STBX is falling victim to those women in other countries (often former Soviet countries) who meet men online and pretend to love them so that the men will fly over and then the women can get money out of them. Sometimes the "woman" they are communicating with even turns out to be a man who plans to rob them when they fly over.
Here is some information
http://moscow.usembassy.gov/consular/acs.php?record_id=datingscam
Other common countries where this happens are Nigeria and the Philippines.
Good luck, stay strong. And take care of yourself first. You can't be strong for you kids unless you take care of your own mental health.
Interesting - I hadn't heard of that scam.
My STBX actually met the woman in person (in las vegas - how appropriate - evidently some things that happen in vegas don't stay in vegas!). They met at a convention (!). They planned at that time to 'get together' again and thus planned the aforementioned trip. (Did I mention he will be gone over mothers day and our wedding anniversary?!).
~Hurtnlost
Hi and hugs to you --
I have been following your story and wondering how you are doing.
remember....you're grieving.
He is gone. So strange to see the empty closet and the dresser drawers. So far he has moved only his clothing as he won't move into his new home until late next month. He is staying in a local hotel until he goes on his 'trip'.
Last night he asked if he could sleep upstairs with me and hold me. I let him. I thought it would feel so good to have his arms around me holding me one more night. At first it felt comforting (after all we spent most nights of our lives that way!). However, when he got up with one of our kids very early this morning, he spent the rest of the night on the couch (I am assuming). I have to say, I was actually glad when he didn't come back to bed. Laying there with him really helped me to see that my feelings for him have changed. I just don't feel the same level of attachment and desire for him that I used to. It was very strange. It also made it a bit easier when he actually waved good-bye and left this morning. (of course he'll be back to see the kids. actually he is babysitting for me tomorrow night so I can go out with my girlfriends).
So here I am. A single mother living alone with her three children. I never thought that this would be my life. I am not looking forward to all of the challenges ahead. On the other hand, I can at least think of going home tonight without dread as he will not be there....
Thank you all for your support and wishes/prayers/thoughts. I really appreciate this board so much.
~Hurtnlost