He is out of control - CRAZY!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
He is out of control - CRAZY!!!!!
23
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 8:41am

I am actually afraid for my life now with my ex. Yet again he caused another fiasco on Saturday for the pick up, I left messages for my lawyer and my son's that day and Ive already called both lawyers this morning and left messages with them. He accused me of hitting him I didnt. He swung to hit me because he wanted me to get away from his car, he didnt want me to see whether or not he had a car seat. Thank God my sister, niece and her boyfriend was there. So I have witnesses that I didnt hit him.

I am just at my wits end Im so upset and Im actually afraid for my life. He took off speeding down the block, went straight through the stop sign at the end of my block. He is a stark raving maniac. My God why is he doing this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 9:29am
Is there a social worker on your case?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 11:32am
Yes there is. Ive already left a message for her, my lawyer and the baby's lawyer.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 11:56am
I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but if he wanted your sister's boyfriend's number maybe he feels comfortable with him. Why not try having that guy help with the exchange? You wouldn't even have to go out to the car. He really is trying to make you crazy and once he puts the baby in the car there isn't much you can do. If you aren't there for him to push your buttons, maybe it will calm the situation down amd he will just put the baby in the seat and drive off like a normal man. He wants to hurt you, not the baby, so if you aren't there he can't hurt you. Just a thought.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 12:21pm
this has happened to me. I have horror stories. Even after 10 years of dealing with this i still have horror stories. The best advice------- get to a public place to exchange the child. Police stations are willing to work with you on this also. All you have to do is ask. Inforce the exchange at a public place. Then brace yourself and say nothing. Do not send anything that you will be upset loosing. Just the clothes on the kid and if there is something major that needs to be sent. Nothing else. Get second hand clothes just for visitation. Then keep you tounge tied. Do not speak to him what so ever. Until there is a reason for it. Things will get better. At least you get to educate your child. I wish you luck and let us know how it turns out. I know its hard. Keep up your good work though. And try hard not to let the child know it hurts.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 12:35pm

I understand what your saying however, the only reason my sister's boyfriend has been able to be there is because he's been off from work for a few weeks. So that would just be a temporary fix but he cant be there all the time he has his own family that he helps out on the weekends too. My ex has to grow up. Him and I made this child not other people ya know. Its childish. My ex can talk to me in a calm manner when he is trying to get something HE wants from me so it's all bull. He's playing games.

Prime example, when I had to cancel the visit on b/c the baby was sick, I called him gave him the info and hung up. Like a child he calls my sister's bf 7:30am asking him what's going on. Going back and forth asking him to call me blah, blah. Then he tells him okay he'll take a make up visit. Then 5 minutes later says no Im lying about the baby being sick he wants to see him for himself. My sister's bf is telling him it's true the baby is sick. You just said you would accept the make up visit why are you switching it now. My ex tells him Im just trying to get back at him. HELLOOOOOOOOOOO, get back at him for WHAT? I just realized how guilty that makes him look. Telling him if I dont let him in to see the baby he's calling the police on me.

Dont you know he shows up anyway at my house RINGING MY BELL, CALLING ME ON THE PHONE. Saying he wants to talk to me about the baby and he wants to see him. Did I just miss something or what. After the stunt he pulled the day before I was supposed to let him in to my apt. NO WAY. So he called the police on me. They came I told them what happened and they left. He acts like I have no rights and he has them all.

Im not going to put up with him making a scene in front of my building all the time. He needs to get it together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 12:48pm

I hear you about the clothes. In his eyes I already dress the baby in as he put it "crappy-a$$ clothes", and I believe he's been dressing him in clothes that are too small to spite me but its hurting the baby. If I go to goodwill or like a salvation army and get cheap clothes that wont hurt to loose god only knows what he will do. In his eyes he thinks I dress the baby like this to spite him. It's crazy. I cant afford name-brand clothes for a three year old and he seems to think that's how he should be dressed.

The courts have to get him under control. They cant allow him to carry on like this. This is crazy. If I were doing it he would yelling to the high heavens that Im unfit. They cant expect to think it's okay for him to throw out clothes I bought the baby because HE doesnt like the way they look. Please dont tell me that they are just gonna say too bad to me. His behavior cant continue like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 1:57pm
I do not know what state your in. But I live in TX. Our courts just want him to see the kid. They could actually care less what the kid wears or brings back. In my situation my ex is still crazy. The only thing about it is I know the bottom line with him. I know why he is crazy. It hurts to see my kid hurt all this time. But she is 10 now and I know she knows whats going on. I educate her. In my case he does not change. Hopefully in your case he will. We still exchange her in a "safe" place. The court actually takes care of that. One good thing. But the rest is just a he said she said and our judge hated that. We were in court every six months for years. Now I stopped that and refused to go back. I have no money. He has not found an attorney that could "stick" anything on me. So things have a way to work themselves out with guidence. However just keep safe. I know how hard it is looking over your shoulder every day. Let me know how things turn out and come vent anytime. It does help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 3:23pm
I agree. You have to pick your battles. Obviously the two of you don't get along, and that's why he's an ex. But you have an innocent, and at 3 impressionable and vulnarable child stuck in the middle. He's going to end up hating or resenting both of you if you don't try to be civil toward each other. I'm not saying you have to be buddies/pals, but just be civil at the exchanges. And what others have said about maybe sending second hand clothing is also a good idea. Many of us know what it's like not to have extra cash floating around, but good will and thrift stores are a source of (most of the time) clothing that is in decent shape, and if you've only payed $1 or $3 for it, then it doesn't matter if it doesn't come back. You know he has a car seat. And deep down I'm sure you also know that he's not going to do anything to harm your son. You need to keep that in mind. Your ex (much like mine) knows what buttons to push to get your riled up. You need to not let him do this (i need to take my own advice on this one). But if you quit letting him get you so upset, he'll stop his childish behavior because then it's no fun anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 4:26pm

You know I have to say that some people seem to be acting as though Im the bad one here with some of their comments. Yes I too agree you do have to pick your battles. Im just dealing with what was thrown at me.

I didnt go chasing him down the street to look for a car seat. He told me he didnt have one I told him, you need one he said no he doesnt. I asked him at the door of my building, he refused to answer so I wanted to make sure because he stated he didnt have to be in one. Then if I didnt check and god forbid there was an accident then I would be criticizied for not checking.

I want to and have tried to be civil. This was only the second visit. I will take what Ive learned and put it into effect see if it changes things. I WILL NOT however feel ashamed for wanting to protect my child and myself.

Thanks to all of those that have been supportive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 4:42pm
I guess I am not sure who you thought was critical in their response, but I do not think anyone was trying to judge you or criticize you. We all deal with things in different ways and I thought everyone was trying to give you ideas that might work. No one wants to see harm come to your baby and we were all trying to offer advice that might calm things down a bit. At least that is where I was coming from.