He rattled my cage yesterday.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
He rattled my cage yesterday.....
2
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 9:17am

Well, I let him get to me yesterday.

He came later in the day yesterday and dropped his boat off. I had to chuckle because it poured all weekend. A little karma payback there. So, I hid in my room while he dropped it off. No big deal.

Then he starts sending me text messages, asking me why I am so mean to him and he never wanted this to happen and he doesn't hate me, blah blah blah.

So, ugh, I called him later in the night (of course, he was on the phone). Anyway, we got into the whole BS story again, who did this, who did that, and he asked me why I had to be so mean to him. That he didn't want it to "end" this way! I told him it was the only way I could deal with it, and I didn't apologize for my actions. I started to cry. I can't believe I'm writing this. Today I think I was crying because I did love this man, I really did, and to hear him whining and carrying on, maybe just thinking that he cares or cared, got to me. I told him the final straw with the OW "tied my hands" and what did he expect me do to, let him continue to deceive me and also be the one to "try" and fix our marriage? I mean really.

Well, I had to share my meltdown with you guys. I keep telling myself this is normal, but I really felt guilty for talking to him yesterday and just listening to him. I don't know really why I did it, and he wonders why I need to avoid him like the plague?

Thanks for listening, any comments would be appreciated.
Hugs,
Jennifer

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 11:38am

Hi Jenn-

At least all you did was talk to him. I slept with my ex after we separated-more than once. Looking back on that now all I can think of is YUCK! I let myself be used by him, hoping we would get back together. But, he had no interest in fixing our marriage. He had a girlfriend (supposedly the “love of his life”), he lied throughout our marriage counseling (only 5 sessions), and he had no interest in being part of our family. After years of trying, in vain, to make him happy, I finally figured out what he wanted-his freedom. So, I gave it to him.

It wasn’t easy for me, but I managed to move on. Then one day, 5 months after we divorced he came to me. We kissed-he had a lost look on his face. I knew then he still loved me. I asked him, he said yes. I told him it had taken a long time, but I didn’t love him anymore (I LIED). He tried to get me to sleep with him again, but I refused. I told him he just wanted me because I was available. He said no, I was all he wanted. Well, too bad. I was strong and sent him home.

I know in my heart I did the right thing, even though I still loved him. He never would have changed. He would have continued to cheat on me and verbally and emotionally abuse me. As much as I wanted a family, I needed ME more than anything. I had totally lost myself during my marriage.

As time passes my vision of him has become a lot clearer. My love for him has subsided over time because now I can see him for what he really is.

Emotionally you will have your ups and downs. You spent a good deal of your adult life with that man. It is not something you can put out of your mind overnight. Stay strong-DO NOT talk to him unless it is absolutely necessary in regards to your children. In fact, I have resorted to e-mail for all conversations will my ex. It keeps me from getting sucked into a conversation with him. Plus, I have documented proof of our conversations should I ever need it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 08-28-2006 - 12:21pm

jennifer --- it IS normal so stop beating yourself about this. and stop feeling guilty

I remember gong thru this with my ex. I believe that the intense anger that we feel is our way to protect ourselves from feeling, from being sad. we NEED this time to pull away and if we still have those loving feelings it just makes it more difficult to pull away. cut yourself some slack.

I am thinking that maybe if you would journal, write all the things down, you wouldn't feel that you have to say it aloud....