He ruined his life

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2011
He ruined his life
8
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 10:56pm
In one monumentally stupid lapse of judgement, my husband ruined his life and I feel like a horrible person for not sticking with him. He was a middle school teacher and he kissed one of his students. He got fired, got arrested, and is now on the sex offender list. He is living with his parents right now and I don't know how he is going to overcome this. He certainly will never teach again which is such a shame because he was an awesome teacher. When I think about what he did, I want to vomit. She was a middle school student!! But then, I also feel like I've lost my best friend and I want to support him. I am currently back in school with a 4.0 pursuing a doctorate and I've gone too far to drop school now, but I would have had to if I had stayed with him. I feel completely selfish for not wanting to ruin my future, but I have worked SO HARD for this degree! However, even if I had decided to stay with him, I would never trust him again. We've only been married 2 1/2 years and fortunately don't have kids. This is already hard enough. I keep thinking back to our vows, for better or for worse, and I feel like I'm abandoning him when he needs me. But then I realize he broke the vow to love and cherish me... I'm just so hurt and confused. I'm doing the right thing aren't I?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2011
Sat, 12-24-2011 - 9:08am

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 12-24-2011 - 10:26am

I could see forgiving your DH if he did something stupid and kissed another adult teacher.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 12-24-2011 - 4:24pm

Krystal,

My first piece of advice to you is this:

1)Get good, solid legal advice about how your husband's status as a sex offender may affect YOU legally. In other words, will you be liable for his legal fees, court costs, and be expected to report his whereabouts as long as you are married to him? I'd find this out ASAP for your own information and to protect yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sat, 12-24-2011 - 8:20pm

Hi Krystal,

I do think it was more than a momentary lapse of judgment--most of us, married or single, would never kiss a middle school age student. A momentary lapse might have been kissing another adult, but this incident is worrisome and may

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 10:43am
This is not someone you can build a life with. And thay is what marriage is about, building a life together. I have to be h
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2011
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 10:36pm
Deeniebeenie- Thank you so much for your encouragement! I do know that I am doing the right thing, even if it is hard. It can only go up from here, right? :-) Musiclover12- I really could not believe it when he told me what he had done. I thought surely there was a misunderstanding, like he'd kissed the top of her head or something. He told me that it wasn't a misunderstanding, and that he'd kissed her. He said it had been the only time and I do believe him. I really don't think he'd do it again, but I know I can never look at him the same way ever again. I think I'm going through all the steps of the grieving process all at once. One minute I'm so angry I can't think straight, then I'm sad that he'll never be my best friend again, then I'm planning my future without him, all within the timespan of about 5 minutes. All I can do is keep my head up and move on with my life. Wisdomtooth2020- I'm pretty sure his parents have taken care of his court fees and all. I know his father bailed him out when he got arrested. I think I will go to a legal aid office though, just to see what my legal responsibilities are. As far as emotional responsibility, that was a hard one for me to overcome. I was so mortified when he told me, I couldn't even tell my family what was going on. It took me 3 days to gather the courage to tell them, and that was probably the hardest 3 days of my life because I still went to classes and pretended like nothing was amiss. I've only told a few close friends what happened, and everyone else I've just been telling we're getting a divorce. I'm really worried because I'm going to be looking for a new job closer to where I live and his name and face have been all in the local news. I took his name when we married, so I'm afraid I won't get hired because of his infamy. Cyngb- I know he will be going to weekly meetings as part of his probation, so I really hope he can get through this. I'm also really glad that his parents are being supportive of him and letting him stay with them. I'm being as supportive as I can, but right now that is only taking over the lease on our apartment along with all the bills. I also let him have our dog, who I miss dearly (I kept the cat, so I'm not totally alone). I'm studying veterinary medicine and I only have two semesters of prerequisites left before I apply to veterinary school. Thank you again for your replies and encouragement.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2011
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 10:40pm
Ugh, I'm sorry there are no paragraphs. I put them in as I was typing, but they did not transfer. Sorry!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Thu, 12-29-2011 - 11:21am

Krystal,

It is wonderful to hear you are pursuing veterinary medicine.