He served me yesterday......

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
He served me yesterday......
8
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 10:33am

OK, Now Im livid. First off ex hasnt paid any c.s. since mid april. Then yesterday HE, HE had the nerve to serve me a petition yesterday (on a Sunday) for a modification to the child support order. So Im thinking finally he got another job. He leaves, I begin reading the petition. He's saying he wants the existing order of a lousy $50 a week to stop because he's receiving public assistance! WHAT! How could he. This is a man that worked like a dog when we first met, 10 12 hours a day sometimes. He was so hard working. I really admired him for that.

Now he has to get public assistance. If we could curse on these boards my goodness the words Im thinking right now. My god why is he doing this. How could he be so devious and vindictive. Does he not want his child to have a decent place to live, enough food to eat. He doesnt help me with nothing. No babysitting fees, transportation, rent, food, NOTHING. Ive tried so hard to be civil and do the right thing, not be bitter and angry, to promote a good healthy relationship between him and ds. Why do I feel like it was all a waste of time, I feel like Im being punished. He's getting away scott free. This is just not right at all. My god what am I gonna do. It's like he wants to see me out on the street or something. What's wrong with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 11:10am

I don't know what state you are in, but I'm in California. What my attorney told me was that if the father's income is low enough, the judge will order him to get a job so he can pay child support. I suppose in your case there may be a difference depending on why he's on public assistance. Go see an attorney to find out what you can do. It's ridiculous when they pay so little and still don't want to even do that. (Mine pays $250 a month total for two kids and acts like I'm a money grubbing hag because of it)

Hang in there. You will make it through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 11:39am
Hi, I live in NYC. So help me God I know he's working off the books. Ofcourse I cant prove it but there is NO WAY he's just living off of some public assistance. This man used to take home like $550. a week after taxes and now he gets public assistance and cant get a job. He goes to mechanic's school 4 days a week from 8-3pm that's it. He's full of crap. In high school I worked after school from 3-7. He can work, he's perfectly healthy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 2:15pm

oooh, i can relate to YOUR story. first, i'm so sorry you are going through such angst and frustration with STBX. it DOES appear that they get off scott-free. in my case, STBX was FINE with ME paying child support when he downloaded initial divorce decree from the web ... nice. and, oh, just off the top of his head wanted me to pay $1,600 a month for our twin DSs, PLUS the $450 that comes outta my check for health, not to mention another fee for dental & vision ... nice. AND only wanted me to see them every other weekend ... extra, nice.

when i protested and wanted to change the schedule to actually see my sons more often, he said he wasn't interested in "co-parenting" with me. told me to "come get my sons" and said he would change the papers to reflect CS on his part. uh, guess what? hasn't happened. will not happen until my attorney goes after him.

my STBX does everything off the books, too. he's self-employed & ususually has NO problems making money. he owns a home, has a nice big mercedes and a convertible BMW, not to mention 2 motorcylcles and told a mutual friend that he's interested in purchasing a boat house!!

so, as to why these DUDs have no interest in caring for their children is so outlandish to me. truly, though, it's just anything to hurt US, the mothers of their children. how cruel, painful, and needlessly devastating.

hang in there. document EVERYTHING. i keep EVERY receipt, including gas, food, clothes ... keep a thorough monthly budget for records. like Texas (which is where i am), i'm sure in NY, you can get 'em for BACK CS. try to remain focused on just doing what you can for your DS, i can certainly relate. i get by, thankfully because i make good money & don't really NEED the selfish STBX's support, but, still, don't be afraid or shy about asking friends and family for financial support. for your child, THEY will gladly assist!! in my case, many, many have offered & it's THAT incredible support network that you'll need right now.

i KNOW that it is difficult, but just as Angela Bassett said in the movie, Waiting to Exhale, "all dogs DON'T go to heaven." cruel Hs-gone-bad will get their day.

so, it may "seem" like our STBXs have left the starting gates, but in essence, they are still listening for the gun. we are the ones who are waaayy out in front in this race -- and integrity will give us endurance to reach the finish line ...

hugs!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 3:29pm
Tell me about it girl. Im so fed up with him. He is like a monster. When we first broke up mind you it was because he cheated more than once he told my sister's boyfriend if it's the last thing he does,he's gonna get me. He is apparently planning on trying to follow through on that. Just when I think him and I have come to a point of being able to civil he pulls something else to make it difficult to want to have anything to do with him at all. My god how do you not want to support your own 1st born just to hurt me. Then wants to act like he's so concerned in court. He actually is going for joint custody too. Can you believe? He cant even support "himself - getting public assistance" but he wants joint custody. Im praying for strength and guidance because Im so infuriated with him right now. I have to keep taking off days from work for his non-sense. What happens to our son if I lose my job? Then what. I pray the day he gets his payback.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 8:41pm

I wouldn't be too concerned until you hear what the judge has to say about this.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:17am
Girl from your lips to God's ears. This is a healthy 30yr old man who is available from 3pm and on and dont even talk about fri, sat and sun when he has no school at all. I pray the judge sees through his bullcrap. Heck he can find a job from 4-11 or 12 at night. Wish me luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:21am
You've got it!.... definitely.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 6:26pm

I know, they don't mind hurting the kid's feelings so long they can get their way... The only conclusion to this type of behavior is their stupidity. Before getting upset, we have to remind ourselves that we are dealing with a person with very low intelligence that we cannot expect this person to act like a normal person. I know, there is no excuse, but I come to the point that I don't expect him to act decent. I don't mind being a head of a household as I enjoy working very much. But I just have to make sure that kids understand that parents have obligations towards kids no matter what.

In my case, I don't think my STBX is trying to hurt kids or I. But he is so selfish that he cannot afford to send his money, not even to his kids. I am going after SC myself. Let's continue to increase our own income, and be persistent on following up with the CS.