He thinks he can just choose...
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| Wed, 07-12-2006 - 9:59pm |
which child he can pick up...he is spending a lot of effort 'working' our oldest daughter (age 10) and he tries to 'empower' her by telling her she has a right to ask for special time alone to do things with daddy etc., and that the other kids don't 'have' to come every time. I have allowed them specific time to do an activity together other than visitation, as in if he emails a day or so ahead and wants to take her to a movie or to Skate night. I didn't think that occasional 'extra' time alone with some of our children would become a negative thing.
But he keeps trying to pass messages through the kids; and there is definitely a pattern to him always wanting to take oldest dd places alone as opposed to the other children. The latest is he has her ask me and then she explains that 'none of the other children really want to go anyhow moma, so whats wrong with me getting to go have some fun with dad?" Today he had her tell me that he was going to pick her up early at the summer camp, but not take the other children at the same time? I told her in a low key way that wasn't a great idea and she asked to call him. When she called him on the cell phone,then he told her something to come tell me, so I just asked her to give me the phone.
This whole take her places and not the other kids is awful...I do not want to be the bad guy to her and not let her go 'extra' with dad, but it is not healthy for the other kids in the long run and though they are young, they are going to be affected by it eventually. The next younger sibling already feels the older is his favorite, and I try my best to downplay it. This cannot turn into a 'whatever child wants to go on visitation day gets to' at whatever time he wants to go get however many he chooses to for that day. I have sole physical, sole legal. I wish to swap times with him and let him have his parenting time without 'lording it over him' or making him feel like he has to ask my permission in everything, but he is making this much more complicated than necessary.
I can see these sorts of issues becoming more frequent as the children get older, are involved in more sports activities or classes etc...and of course as the children's relationship with each of us evolves over time. But at ten and under, I do not believe it should be going on. Bah, I am being subjective here?

The individual time would be fine if he was doing it with all of the kids.
I would tell him that if wants to do something with ONE of them, it has to be a different one than the oldest.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~