He told kids bout his GF on move out day
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He told kids bout his GF on move out day
| Wed, 05-31-2006 - 12:32am |
He has had this gf since we decided to divorce.... months ago. He wouldnt leave for whatever reason ... I do not know. Flaunts her in my face. Has her stay over at my house while I'm out-of-town with the kids. My kids asked me several times if he has a gf, asked about her by name. Well yesterday was move otu day for him and he took kiddies to see his new apartment. They came home and told me he said he ahs a new gf and she is nice and they could meet her. I asked how they felt about it and ds (12) replied "I'm happy". What?...HUH?...OMG?
This from the kid that received the most abuse from stbx. This from the kid that as soon as we told them we were getting divorced he stated "I dont want any step parents"...
That hurt. :(
Hugs,
Jan

I realize how difficult this day must have been in general. Then, to have something like that happen... Well, it's easy to let something like that take on a much bigger and gloomier picture, not that it isn't bad.
Your children are trying to adapt to a situation not of their making (I understand it doesn't appear to be yours, but I'm just trying to look at your children right now.). They don't understand it all even if they say they do. They don't have a choice about whether Dad has another woman in his life. They don't have a choice in whether they go for visitation with him or not. They MUST deal with this woman. Whether you like her or not, they are going to try to like her for their own sake. They are also trying to please Dad right now. He's "abandoning them" in their heart of hearts. They don't want to lose him. When I was 9yo, my parents split. The biggest emotion that I remember is that of not wanting to lose either one of them. I was so afraid of that! It's a common emotion.
I guess what I'm saying is that the kids are going to say things that hurt you, just as was done. You have to decide whether you are going to go cold and stony, are going to chastize them for saying anything good; or are going to be calm, collected, and cool, accept what they have to say, listen to them, acknowledge the good things they have, and have open communication with them. I know it sounds harsh, but it is reality for most of us.
I hope that you are doing okay!! I don't want to sound tough or try to chastize you, by any means. Just trying to give you a glimpse of things from this POV.
Hi Steph,
Thanx. No I know. That was just a vent I suppose. I wouldnt have liked to hear that they were scared, hurt, sad either. I guess I wouldnt have liked any answer. It just hurt. I get so infuriated with stbx about his timing. I just think the day was hard enough for everyone why do that then. I sometimes think I will know how to respond to just about anything the kids need from me, but other times things come at a very unexpected time and I dont get a chance to put up my defenses. I mean to "let go" and focus only on the kids and how things affect them.
Hugs,
Jan
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~