He visited the baby's pre-school

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
He visited the baby's pre-school
14
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 11:45am

To my surprise my ex visited my son's school yesterday. I found out this morning when I went for a parent - teacher visit. It was written in the order that he should call the school to speak to the therapists' about his progress. The baby receives speech and physical therapy.

I was not expecting him to actually visit the school. For some reason this makes me feel a bit uneasy. It's like he's going behind my back or something. Am I way off base for feeling like this? He claims he cant get him during the week because he's in school but yet he shows up yesterday unnanounced. It's very sneaky to me. Im worried, what if he tries to take him out of school without telling me. Im truly afraid he may try to kidnap him just to hurt me.

How can I protect my son.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2005
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 4:08pm

Luv,

I've read your story. I'm not being harsh, but it is his son too. Do you really think he would risk jail time just to get back at you? At some point you two are going to have to come to some sort of resolution on this or the child will suffer.

JMHO

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-22-2006 - 6:37pm

It really is a tough call, like the other poster said, your son is his son too... what sort of custody and visitation agreement do you have? Do you share legal custody? If so, there really isn't much that can be done about him visiting the school and finding out his progress--after all, that is what legal custody entitles one to... I am tempted to see it as a good thing--meaning that he is interested in your son...

do you think that the kidnapping thing is a real possibility? or are you just a little paranoid about it? (nothing wrong with paranoia, by the way--I was paranoid about my son's ear infection today...)

Have you thought about talking with your attorney to find out exactly what your rights are and discussing those rights with the school? If you have a good relationship with the director, you could explain your fears and make her more aware of the situation...

Keep us posted...

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 2:29am

Yeah, I'd be a bit uneasy too. However, it can be a good thing as well, maybe a sign of some maturity?


You have a court ordered visitation/custody agreement, right? Does it state who has custody when? Like, with mine it will say that physcial custody transfers to the Father on ---day at ---am/pm. Physical custody will transfer back to the Mother on ---day at ---am/pm, etc. If so then I'd give a copy to the preschool and that way they can keep him from taking him if it isn't his day. At least my preschool has said that they wouldn't allow him to take the kids on his day without my written consent just as they won't allow me to take them on his day without a note for him, excluding the occasions when he doesn't show up to get them. In that case they call me to get them.


I do hope this turns out to be a positive thing, but considering his past I definatly understand your concerns for your son.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:01am

To all,

I know it may seem like Im paranoid. But this man has become like a lunatic. Ranting and raving. Telling anybody who listens that he hates me, wants nothing to do with me. He told the mediator if I got hit by a bus he wouldnt even call 911. He would walk right pass me lying on the ground. Then on his 1st visit told my sister's boyfriend he hopes I get hit by a car. That Im a b@$%h and all kinds of horrible things. He has no right to do this in front of our child.

Yes it is his son too, and he has a disability and his dad has never really acknowleged it. I was the one who said I wanted him to talk to the teachers at the school since he doesnt believe a word I say about the baby. So that was written in the order that he should contact the school to talk to the therapists. Yes Im glad he did but I still have to be cautious. The reason I was uneasy about it because he has told me if it were up to him the baby would be raised by his grandparents who live in Jamaica.

This is the same man who when it came time to drop off the baby he walked passed me and left our 3yr old with a total stranger. Yes I have concerns about his stability and frame of mind.

To the poster who asked about giving a copy of the order to the school thanks, I did just that and the school asked for it as well. The order states that he gets the baby every other weekend 11-6pm. That's all. I wanted to give him time during the week and he refused saying he had no time, he's in school. But then he just shows up to the school out of the blue, its weird.

Thanks for all the insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:21am

I'm glad that you gave a copy of the order to the school, in fact, school's around here specifically ask on registration forms if there is an order, if so what it says and to provide them with a copy.... Also, letting them know when the "boat is rocking" is always a good reminder for everyone.


They have the authority to deny him access to the school, technically, especially if he comes and stirs up trouble.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:22am

Thanks ofcourse. I heard back from the school and they say if he tries to pick up the baby they wont allow him to do so. So with that I feel alot better. I also asked them to inform me if he tries.

I just want to be careful and safe and protect the baby as well. It's horrible to be worried that he might be so sick to harm the baby just to hurt me but it has happened with other women so I have to be mindful and active in this fight. I dont want a fight b but he's not giving me much choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 11:54am
And not only do they need to inform you, but it needs to be documented in their files, as well as giving you a written notice.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:21pm

That's great to know. Sometimes it is the little things. I know some people may think Im being paranoid or un-realistic. But I have to watch myself and the baby. As my mom always says: it's better to be safe than sorry.

You see it time and time again that either a woman or law enforcement or people think the women or overreacting about possible danger from an ex and then when something tragic happens everyone says wow, she said this or that would happen but then its too late. I pray to God this doesnt happen in my case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 12:42pm

So do I... and yes, the little steps tha tyou take now to document things well will go a long way to keeping everyone safe.


Your mom sounds like one smart cookie!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-23-2006 - 10:32pm

I'm sorry if I mis-posted after reading your initial post. I have to admit that after my afternoon with rushing here and there with my own son and his ear infection that I could not remember all of the details that you had shared about your son's father's behavior...

I can certainly understand your concerns and am sure that I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes... while I don't have much advice, I want you to know that I'm thinking of you...

Julie

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