He wanted me to cancel the CS arrears...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
He wanted me to cancel the CS arrears...
6
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 4:42pm

I wonder if my ex will ever stop being so selfish. Im happy to say Ive been so much stronger these days. I really think the light dating ive been doing has helped a great deal. For all this time I thought there was "something wrong" with me that my ex didnt want me. I finally started doing a little dating, ran into another ex of mine a few days ago and he gave me exactly what Ive been looking for from my ex and he didnt even know we werent together. He told me that "losing me" was the biggest mistake he ever made and he wishes he could have a second chance. Wow. I think that was my closure. See thats what I wanted to hear from my ex all this time. Who cares now, I see he isnt even man enough to admit that.

He was supposed to take the baby on friday from my sister's house and keep him overnight, b/c I had a date and he knew. So when he called I said it's supposed to rain u have to take his umbrella stroller with the plastic, he says no he cant manage it and the baby on the bus, so I said as long as you have an umbrella then fine, he says he doesnt and has no money to buy one. I said well you have to do something one or the other, he started getting an attiude. Then I said you have food for him right? He says I have whatever food you send. I said I didnt send any this time. He's like well I dont know then there might be something in the house, i said you need to know for sure, he has to eat. I did send some milk. He starts complaining how he has no money etc, what is he gonna do, telling me how he borrowed money from the other baby's mom and cant pay her back, I said I dont want to know about that it doesnt concern me. Are you taking him yes or no. He then says he's not in the right frame of mind to keep him he's not getting him. I said fine and hung up. WHAT! Now Im worried about his mental stability and dont know if I can even trust him ever taking him. What's up with him.

He actually called me later that same day and asked me if I could contact child support and tell them stop taking the back cs out of his unemployment check. He still owes over $1300. Can you imagine. I said so what am I supposed to do, he ignored the question. I told him NO and surprise, surprise, he got an attitude and hung up on me. HA! I dont know what kind of game he's playing. Then monday at 7p.m. he calls me saying he wanted to get the baby. I told him I had plans. Ive already told him he needs to call at least two days in advance if he wants him on a certain day. Ive cancelled my plans in the past so he could get him and ofcourse he was not appreciative. So now I wonder what he will try to pull next? This is so aggravating.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Wed, 07-06-2005 - 7:36pm

Ok, first thing first... CONGRATS on the ex thing.... I have to say I did that too and my ex (

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 9:05am

Angelena,
that is so so funny that our ex's are sooooo similar. Thanks alot for the insight. It seems as though maybe he's starting to see that I finally moving on and he's starting to grasp at any little thing to see if i will bite.

This power of mine feels damn good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 9:38am

AMEN TO THAT!


DAMN GOOD!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 2:45pm

Yipes, what a whiner. I hope you don't let yourself get sucked into another conversation like that. Having to tell a grown man he should have an umbrella, ick. Just let him get wet. If the baby is getting rained on (he will probably survive) he will probably let his Dad know (loudly) if he doesn't like it. Does it seem the whole phone call was just about being able to whine to you, and not about picking up the baby?

Good for you for having expectations of the dad. You know that man and you know what he is capable of. I often do little things to make my DD's time with Dad easier (sending clothes or other needs) but that is becuase it is what my DD and I want. I don't do it for him. DD wants to see him, and I want her to enjoy herself, so I do what I feel it is OK to do. But we all have to draw our own lines at where we feel we are being taken advantage of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-11-2004
Thu, 07-07-2005 - 3:40pm

I just feel it's time he take some responsibility. His time with the baby is so far and in between it really pi$$es me off that the one time I dont supply him with food he cant handle that small task. He neglects the baby, behaves like he has no children. Ive learned that I have to just accept it, he's the one losing out on a wonderful baby. My son is great. And right now with my ex being so on again off again maybe it's best like this for now. What can he offer our son at this point in his life. I do know that if he wants to be in his life I wont shut him out. I do hope he will come to his senses before the baby forgets him. As im starting to date now i have to wonder how that will go as I imagine that the guy I become serious with will be around my son more than his own dad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Thu, 07-14-2005 - 4:24am
I feel for you. A slightly different story but my ex got fired from his job this past December and here it is mid-July and he still hasn't found another job. Of course the minute he lost his job he stopped paying child support. So I have been paying for everything for our son all by myself including child care. Well he finally started getting unemployment and to his dismay I had already set in motion for the Department of Child Support Services to take child support (and arrears) out of his unemployment check otherwise I would have NEVER seen a dime of it. He was SO mad when he found out and basically pleaded with me to have them stop taking out money because he couldn't afford it. Claimed he was SO behind on bills and his condo and SUV payment and he barely had money left over for gas. I even asked him to take our son to get a haircut one day ($10 including tip) and he said he couldn't afford it. MEANWHILE....you're gonna love this....the jerk MIRACULOUSLY had enough money to buy himself some new "spinning rims" for his Suburban. Nice. (For those of you who don't know how much they cost, they run between $1000-$5000 depending on the size of your tire.) Let's you know where his priorities are. Then to top it off, he also miraculously had enough money to get married during all this! So he's claiming he's "poor" but these things are showing me he's not so I don't feel sorry for him one bit nor will I remove that red flag from DCSS to stop collecting from him. Why do men think it's "ok" to NOT support their kids???? I damn well know if the shoe were on the other foot and I lost my job and I told my ex to pay for everything he would tell me flat out "GET A DAMN JOB WOMAN!! OR I WANT FULL CUSTODY!" I just don't get it. And what kind of women thinks that's ok for a man to stop supporting his kids and MARRY the damn fool!??? Makes no sense. If I were dating a man with a child from a previous marriage and he faught child support or even stopped paying child support for his kids, I would find that SOOOOO unattractive in him and wouldn't for a second consider him marriage material. If he's doing that with an ex, what would make me think he won't do that to me if we had a baby together and we divorced? Ew!!!! He and his new wife are both gross people and they deserve each other!