He wants to file for divorce!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
He wants to file for divorce!
16
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 8:43am
I just spoke with my husband again this morning.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 7:56am

This thread has been enlightening to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Fri, 05-23-2008 - 9:54pm
Hi, I know exactly where you're at right now. My husband had been talking about divorce for years, and I kept on trying to make it work out - I went throught what I like to call the "appeasement" stage, for a good 2 years. Doing whatever he wanted, never complaining, trying to please him in any way. Well, all it did was prolong the inevitable. In the beginning I was in shock and panic, like you. But it took him so long to move out (over a year, until just
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2008
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 10:05pm

Tori,

Read your own words, you were fighting to save your marriage. For any relationship to work, it MUST be give and take. Unfortunately H is not of the same mindset and it does not look like it will change. My best advice is to focus your energy on something else, accept the fact you have a chance to make a new life and embrace the possibilities. Take time out to grieve for the loss, but be honest, where was the passion you shared during the early days of the relationship? I bet long gone.

Rediscover yourself, and then find the man who matches who you want to be.

Magic

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 9:14pm

I really appreciate the advice I have received on this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2008
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 10:53pm
I'm feeling your pain :( My husband moved out almost 6 month ago and I was devastated for a long time and I was in the same situation where I wanted to work things out go to marriage counseling but he was not interested. He just said he's not there. If a man wants to leave there is nothing you can do to make him change his mind. Now after 6 month it still sucks and I do have my days where I get very emotional and start crying but it does get easier over time. I don't talk to him that much but we still have a civil relationship. We're not even legally separated, he just moved out and I know there is not another person involved. We've been together for 15 years married almost 12 so it does hurt very much. Hang in there is all I can say.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 10:06pm

Ahhhh Tori...I am going exactly through what you are only seperation of 5 weeks and marriage only 2 years this June. We have a little 19 month old girl together that sadly gets shipped from my parents to his and his mom's place daily. He is animate about the divorce and like you said won't budge, he said he loved me but wasn't in love with me that the 'connection' wasn't there anymore. It is hard to stay optomistic but my advice to you my dearest is that you just go with the flow and try to stay as optomistic and busy as you can. The pain won't go away it can't but your heart will heal from this, it's more his loss than yours anyway he looses a wife that cares enough to do anything to save a marriage and loves him for who he is fault and all. What do you loose? A husband who's to chicken to just try to work things out that has just played the given up key. But don't think of the years you have had with him were in vain my dear you got wisdom, love, and strength and thats what is most important. I will pray for you and your situation that God makes it work out one way or another. He has made it work for me....my hubby chose his addiction over family so what does that tell you? Well hope all works for the best and know that someone over here relates and cares for you.

Angelbugs_Mama

AngelBug's Mama

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