He wants me to buy him out

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
He wants me to buy him out
9
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 1:06pm
My STBX called the other night and suggested that I buy out his half of our house. He said that would save realtor fees, my moving expenses, and save the children and me the grief and hassle of moving. Hmmm.... To buy him out would mean that I would take on the $98 thousand loan in addition to securing $115,000 to pay him. I would go from $1,050 a month for a 15 year loan to $1,700 a month for a 30 year loan. Our house has quite a bit of equity, but I don't care to be "house poor." I think he just wanted his half right away to pay on his new house and maybe he was thinking we could get back together and the house would still be there. WHo knows? But I don't really believe that he was looking our for MY best interests. What do you think? I think I'd be foolish. I think I'd be better off to find a smaller, easier house to maintain with about a $50,000 mortgage (after a big down payment). This house doesn't really have memories of him, as we weren't here long and he didn't hang around with me and make good memories anyway.
*sigh*....venting.....*sigh*
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 4:13pm

DON'T DO IT!

I am in a similar situation and I met with a financial advisor who agreed that I SHOULD not under any circumstances buy the house from STBX and get stuck paying MORE. The formula he showed me looked just like yours. He also showed me what it would look like if I could invest that monthly difference---it would be a LOT of money saved over the 15 year difference in the loan.

Another thought is that if you buy the house from him, then sell it, then buy a cheaper house, you will have to pay capital gains tax on the difference.

My lawyer mentioned that we could retain joint ownership and I could live in the house with right of 'exclusive posession'. Then when the house was sold in 2-4 years, STBX and I would split the proceeds 50/50.

STBX does not like this plan because he doesn't trust me to maintain the house properly and get a good return on HIS investment in it.

An added complication for me is that I will be underemployed until September so how could i get a mortgage of any kind? STBX says he can sign a paper that somehow absolves him of responsibility for the house, keeps both names on our current mortgage. Some kind of lein. It does not make sense to me. He has to meet with his lawyer first before he will come up with a plan for how to deal with this.

I would love to hear what anyone else has to say about this type of situation. I have not been able to find much info on the internet. I'm thinking of meeting with my realtor again. The big problem for us is there are NO Houses in our school district in my price range. NOTHING available. So I can't move right now because I REFUSE to make my children change schools.

Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 7:02pm

I think you're right. This is NOT the time to take on more financial responsibilities. Let's see...spouse moves out, pays $667 a month child support (plus extra medical and half of DD's car insurance) and he thinks I can add about $675 to my current mortage for an extra 15 years. Hmmm....I may be stupid...but I'm not dumb. LOL!

Can you keep the house and put in your papers that HE will maintain the interior and exterior? Or at least split the costs with you to hire help that is needed? Gee, you and your children need to live somewhere. Doesn't he realize that you'd keep up the house the best you can because you will want 50% of the profits. Half of nothing is nothing!

I'm not sure what you're husband is talking about. I had to sign off on my STBX's new house. It's called "right of dowry" which means that I can't lay a claim to it in the future and that I have no interest in it. Your lawyer may know of some way that you can stay there until your children are 18 (or whatever). If your spouse makes enough, you could have him pay extra on the mortgage and hold off til the last one is 18, if that's what you want. Or if you get married, you'd have to sell or buy out your EH.

I would suggest you talk to YOUR lawyer. No matter how "friendly" your divorce, you need your own advice.

Good luck, Jo

Avatar for momtojoeybear
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 10:07pm

There is no way in H... E... well you know, that you could convince me to do what your stbx is wanting you to do... for your future and security, especially since there aren't memories attached, etc, I would think that moving to another place with a smaller mortgage would be a smarter move...

Good Luck with your decision!

*hugs*

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 9:00am

I say do what makes you feel comfortable.... and don't let the "kids" thing fool you.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:14am

I did buy out my ex-husband’s equity in our home. We settled on an estimated value for the house and, over the course of a year, I paid him his portion. In our decree it stated I would attempt to refinance, and, if I could not, I would sell it-although no time frame was mentioned. I didn’t want to sell it, as it is the only home my children have known. Plus, I put so much work into the house, I couldn’t walk away from it. He did very little work on the house, but he was right there, with his hand out, when the value of the house rose because of MY work. And, it was MY parents who gave us the downpayment on the house in 1989. It was never a home to him, just a pit stop between his business trips and affairs.

My mortgage payment did increase significantly. But to me it was worth it to get his name off the house. Even though he no longer lived there, he still tried to control everything. He walked in whenever he wanted-because it was still his house-since his name was on it. I was dating someone for awhile and he told me he was not allowed to stay overnight with the kids in the house. Yet, when his girlfriend came from Thailand for a visit, my kids stayed with them in his one bedroom apartment.

Also, he was supposed to put the equity money “in trust” for our two children. It was agreed upon during our mediation, but the wording never made it to our final decree. I gave up certain things, because he was making concessions. Now, he is claiming he never said that. Instead, he is using the money to buy a house. I feel stupid for not ensuring it was part of our final decree. Not that it would matter he does whatever he wants anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 5:50pm

Isn't it interesting how men don't "feather their nest" for their children, or buy what would work best for them. My STBX just bought a two bedroom fixer upper. We have three children, and I"m looking for a home where they can have a yard, their own bedrooms, and a family room where they can have friends over to visit. I guess I'm more into "we" and he's into "me". Anyway, if he got the half of the equity from this house, he could pay off almost all of his new house. Nice deal for him, huh? No thanks! I do love this house. It's what I always dreamed of. But I don't want to be house poor. I want vacations, as well as the other "extras" in life...like clothes, food, heat, water, etc. ;)

Thanks for the advice, Karen. I carefully think about what everyone tells me as there's nothing like advice from women who have been there. It is in our agreement that he has to maintain the interior and exterior of the house. But how do I get him here to paint, weed, mow, etc.? I ended up weeding and clearing brush yesterday, and painted a water spot on the kitchen ceiling. That's on top of general cleaning so the house will be ready to show at any time. I did have to snicker the other day when I dropped off the two youngest at his house. He immediately started in with them about keeping his house clean and not tracking mud on the floor. It was funny to see him acting like me after I'd spent the day cleaning alone and everyone came in and destroyed my work in an hour. He later asked me if I'd take them earlier since they were driving him nuts. I picked them up at the usual time and he kept complaining. I just smiled sweetly and said, "yes, I know how difficult it is to have them alone. But I know you'll get better each time." *gee, there is justice*

As for the paperwork, my STBX keeps telling me that we'll just "get along" and it doesn't need to be in there. No way! I want it there for back up. But, can you ever "make" him take the kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 9:06pm
It sounds like your gut instinct tells you not to buy him out. I would go with your gut! I really liked my old house, but there was no way I could possibly pay the mortgage on my own, let alone have to buy the ex out. In the end, we had to sell the house. If you feel it's going to be to much of a financial burden, then don't do it. It sounds like you're going to come away with enough cash to buy something more reasonable and affordable for you and your children.




What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 10:46am

My ex has the kids every other weekend, Christmas week vacation, February vacation and 2 weeks in the summer. Of course, he travels frequently so he misses a lot of weekends. He became annoyed when I sent him a calendar with his weekends and vacations marked off. He thinks they should visit him the weekend he gets back from a trip-unless he is too tired or sick. Too bad, the world doesn’t revolve around him! I think the kids need stability. He often drops the kids off early. It is supposed to be 6:00 pm Sunday night. One time he dropped them off at noon on Sunday because they were fighting. He told me visitation means he is allowed to see the kids, not that he is obligated to see them. He told me it is a “privilege” for them to go to his house.

Last year he sent the kids to AR to visit his family during his 2 weeks of summer of vacation. He did not spend one minute with them. In fact, he was not even in the country, he was off spending time with his new wife in S. Africa. He missed Feb vacation this year because he “had too” travel for work. He didn’t take them during Feb vacation last year either-he just blew it off.

It just cracks me up. He is looking at 4 bedroom homes, with big yards. Who does he think his going to mow the lawn, or do the upkeep on the house? We were married for 15 years-not once did he ever cut the grass. I was responsible for everything. I am sure his “high-class “ wife won’t be breaking a sweat. I bet he thinks our 12 YO son will do it for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 2:36pm

Nevermind his 4 bedroom and big yard dream.... who does he thinks takes care of his kids when you're sick or tired???????


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~