He wasn't so bad, just bad for me....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
He wasn't so bad, just bad for me....
3
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 7:45pm
my divorce will be final 11/14 after almost 14 years of marriage. to me the marriage the should have ended 4 yrs ago. I stayed in it for our kids but then thought,n"what am i teaching them?" to stay w/someone and be unhappy? He is a great provider but that was our main problem. he worked 4 or 5 days 12 hr shifts then went to the gym for 2 hours everyday. never having time for his family. i was basically a single mom. weird though, the biggest thing i have to adjust to is working fulltime. right now i'm a little scared knowing that our lifestyle is going to change.But at least my daughter will learn that she needs to be happy with herself first. and my son will learn that a man can be a provider but he can NEVER leave his family behind. what's money w/out a family to enjoy it with???i know my kids and myself will be ok but still it's still a bit scary. I hope that things will continue to be amicable between the ex & myself but everyone keeps saying that things will change when he gets someone else. I hoping that having been his 3rd wife that he's tired of marriage and will remain alone at least for a while...
i am anxious for my/our new life to begin....
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 8:03pm
my stbx also worked long hours never home with the family..the only problem is he expected me to be there beside him instead of with our 3 kids..
funny though..I'm upset he is gone..or is it just the feeling of failure..I'm still not sure..he really wasn't around enough to be a good father..
ultimately he is the one that left...throwing me for a loop...I still feel burned..
even if it was for the best...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 9:38pm
dont say failure again. it would have been a failure had u stayed in a loveless marriage. that's another thing i don't understand, is how most consider it a failure.Maybe it wasn't as right as we thought. maybe it's a success that we realized it before we were too old to enjoy life. my mother would love me to be as depressed as she was/is...i wont do it. the only thing we have in common is that we are both divorced. i learned how not to be with my children, my ex..i will give up a few holidays, a few weekends but i will fight to have my kids feel as normal as possible. i leave my house on the weekends that my ex has them so that they can stay home & he be with them.the only thing i asked my ex is that he wouldnt bring his "friends' w/him to my house...hopefully this will last.
'
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2005
Mon, 11-07-2005 - 10:05pm
I hope that I get to the place you are in sometime soon. I just can't stay this way for much longer without going crazy..
As for giving up the house for the weekend that he has them..wow...I just couldn't do that..for a couple of reasons..he says he is "not comfortable" here any more..that & he has done some awful things to me...getting me to sign over $80,000 to him a week before he left..moving in the next day with a woman (he is not with her now)..
I just hope I can get to the place where I feel good letting them spend time with their dad ...& feeling good about a situation I couldn't control...