He won't accept the separation

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2005
He won't accept the separation
3
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 2:53pm
My marriage has been rocky for the past 1-2 yrs. During that time I tried to work on things. My H always said we didn't have any problems...it was all me. So I tried self help, went to conselling by myself with no improvement that lasted. 3 months ago I was fed up and told H I wanted to divorce. At that time he then decided to try conselling with me. I have tried but I no longer love him. So last night I told him that it was not working and again I want to divorce. He was shocked. Thinks that I just gave up on our marriage. I was calm when we talked so he thinks I am cold. I have already grieved the end of our marriage. I am tired and just want to get on with my life. He wants to keep trying but I just can't anymore. He keeps pleaing with me to stay and try longer. I have already tried for almost 2yrs. Where his trying has only been the 3 months. How can I get him to see that I am done. I give up. I have gotten to the point where I can not go back. I don't want to get mean or nasty with him. I know he is hurting. Short of serving him with papers??
We have 2 kids and I want this to be a friendly divorce if there is such at thing?
Has anyone else had this happen??
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 5:37pm

Yep. Totally normal. You are done; he isn't and isn't gonna be for a long time. Think how long it took you to get to done. Gonna be awhile.

My stbx got to where you are.

As for your h--gonna take time and expect alot of anger and hurt before he ever gets to cooperative. I "cooperated" through my anger and hurt because of the kids. Not saying you are wrong or he is right, just suggesting the feelings are quite normal.

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 10:23pm

I could have written your post!!! I have been done for a long time. I relaized I just don't love him and everything he does is never gona be enough because I am done. He is not yet there either. He too was un-willing to try until I said I wanted to leave then he did. but for me it was too late!

hang in there.. hope it is easy for you.. I too was hoping for the friendly.. not sure if it does exsist..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2007
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 11:20pm
This is what I'm going through my husband plays games for me to stay and I can't take it. He treats me worse and feels more threatened the more independent I get and we have a 4 and 5 year old. I never signed up for this that's for sure. I don't want this anymore. I've got a house to sell now that I just bought hoping things would be normal that was a huge mistake because the kids really like it. All I know is life is too short for this crap. My husband is my highschool sweet heart (was) and we've been married for 6 years. Right now I'm seeking legal/financial help to ease through this and set some goals as to how I'm going to raise my kids. You gotta do what makes you happy or else your kids won't be themselves.