He won't agree to anything

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
He won't agree to anything
7
Mon, 11-05-2007 - 5:22am

The good times just keep getting better here!!


STBX has shown his true colors. Here's some of the stuff he's said:


*He'll 'allow' me to stay in the house for three months. He'll pay 30% of the mortgage payment for those three months.....BUT


*If we both move out and put the house on the market, he'll pay 100% of the mortgage payment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 10:42pm

Um not for nothing but did you check with your attorney about the "suing for abandaonment" thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 9:37am

Poohbear,


Moving back home with your elderly parents may be smart economically. If you choose this route, you and your parents need to have an honest chat about what you each expect of each other. Don't hedge on your questions about their care, what they expect, what you expect. And remember, if your parents are mobile (still can drive, walk, and do their errands and household tasks), I'd be honest with them and tell them you expect them to keep doing those things if you live with them. If one or more are bedridden or unable to drive or walk, you have to assess your ability to accept their generosity knowing you'll probably also be doing some basic care for them. Personally, that may prove cathartic for you and help you become closer as a family.


As for your husband's threat to "sue you for abandonment" that's an empty threat. Don't let it stop you from leaving the maritial home if you feel that's best for you. Believe me, divorce attorneys and judges have heard everything. Abandonment isn't as simple as leaving the home, if it was, a lot of philandering husbands would be sitting in jail.


You can call his bluff about the legal questions by seeing an attorney for information.


Good luck and let us know how the refi/market analysis pans out.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 5:36pm

Well, I heard from the mortgage broker today and she laid it out: my credit is just too bad to even THINK of getting a loan. So, therefore, I guess I have only a few options:


1) Move in with my parents.


2) Continue to live here with the STBX.


3) Beg and plead and then beg a little more for STBX to actually work with me.


In detail:


1) Yes, my parents and I would have to have a very lengthy conversation if I moved in with them. I would turn the basement into my 'apartment' and would even have a semi-private entrance. In all reality, it would be the best thing financially....just worry about paying down my debt, buying my own personal stuff and the car payment. I'm just terrified of turning into my mom's full-time nursemaid. I know that sounds cold. Like I've said before, my whole family situation would take days to explain and I really don't want to get into it. I'm more than willing to help out but they would have to understand that I have a full-time job, my own life, my own friends, etc. I'll have to see what happens.


2) and 3) The STBX won't even file papers until something is decided about the house. It would just completely break my heart to leave this place. I've worked so hard to make this house a home and have so many beautiful gardens/plants in the yard that I would have to leave behind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 9:43pm

First, in order for him to prove abandonment, he would have to file a police report that you are missing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Thu, 11-08-2007 - 5:26am

Hello, fellow Buckeye

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Thu, 11-08-2007 - 6:43pm

I forgot about your dogs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2007
Fri, 11-09-2007 - 2:14pm

I'm new to this site so I'm not familiar with your situation. However, it seems we share a similar situation.