He won't move until it's final
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| Tue, 02-01-2005 - 7:13pm |
OK X2B filed divorce a week before Christmas because we had been drifting apart and I did not want to go to counseling. Anyway, he filed for divorce and said that I could have the house and he'd take the property that we jointly own. The problem is now that he will not move to his own place until we go to mediation and the divorce is finalized. He's sleeping on the couch.
We have kids and it makes it more convient to have us both here but I'm finding it more and more difficult to live any sort of normal life. He'll do laundry but will sort all my clothes out so that I have to run an extra load to do my small amount of clothes. He is resentful of me moving on with my life. I go out after work sometimes and will go out in the evening for a bit after the kids have gone to bed.
He filed for divorce and is now making my life miserable. Do I really have to put up with him living here until it's final???? We have our first meeting tomorrow with the case management people and from there we go to mediation. I just don't want to live another 3 months or more living like a prisoner in my room. He's gotten to the point where he "orders" me to do things. He won't let me use internet after 8:00 so I had to buy a laptop and dial up service up in my room, he tells me I can't go out after work and if I go to the gym I'm a bad mother. I just can't take it any more.

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I know I'm jumping in late, but you are complaining about him being in the house and then using it to your advantage since his presence allows you to go out after the children are there. Co-parenting is a two way street. If you want him to help out with the children (so you can go to the gym, or so he can take them to school and you get to work on time) then maybe you could appreciate for one minute that he's willingly doing those things. Some men walk away from their obligation to the children. It sounds like your STBX is going to stay involved in their lives so tell him you appreciate that, but also tell him that if it's going to work, certain things are non-negotiable, like not being called a bad mother for having a life, and then also offer to see what he needs, like maybe he wants to go to the gym too once in a while.
Him sorting out your dirty laundry from the rest is a way to get under your skin. When you get upset he gets some amount of satisfaction from that, so find a way to turn it into a positive. Like the other poster said, tell him thanks for doing his own and the children's laundry too. Sometimes if you are super nice to someone that is being mean to you, it causes them to change their tune (and even if it doesn't, you haven't lost anything by trying).
I know it's hard to live your life while he's still in the house. I did that for several months and it was one of the toughest things I've ever done. You have to see that for the moment your life is on hold. You have a lot to get through to make the divorce final and help your children through the transition, and once that is done, you can get on with your life much easier.
Melissa
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