Healing process

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2006
Healing process
3
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 8:26am

This is my second time posting. I know divorce healing takes a long time. Any suggestions for getting thru the dark days. I am so worried about being the provider again. I have a 6 year old. My soon to be ex does give us support but it does not pay alot. I am looking for a full time job after only work part time for 6 years. Divorce is bad enough but job hunting is an additional stressor (if thats a word). The fear of doing it alone again after being married 8 years. I know everybodies situation is different but when do you lose some of the fear? Is it after divorce is final and your are working and am in a routine? I did start seeing a counseling and have my son seeing one also to avoid any issues growing. Has anyone ever tried those divorcare classes?

Thanks for listening

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: loric2006
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 9:19am
The best advice I can give you is take care of you. You have to allow yourself time to grieve. The days do get better. For me it took about a year before I knew I was going to be OK. I still have days that aren't so great but there aren't as many of them now. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Routine did help and so did finding a job. I was so scared. I have not been to a Divorce Care meeting but I have heard they are excellent. Take care of you!
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: loric2006
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 12:23pm

Everything I've heard about DivorceCare is great.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
In reply to: loric2006
Thu, 06-08-2006 - 2:51pm
It does take time and if your like me you just want the pain to go away.I was married for 16 years and together for 20.We have been seperated for a little over a year divorce still isnt final and I still have days where I get really down and cant quit wondering what he is doing.I agree now that time does heal the pain but I didnt believe that at first.The thing that worked the best for me was to get out and do things.At first it was really hard because all I would do was worry about seeing him out or just notice all the other couples and feel out of place because I was alone.Getting back into a routine will help alot also and I still have a hard time with that some days when all I want to do is sit on the couch and feel sorry for myself.I think financially for me anyway is the hardest part because it is a huge responsibility.I have always worked full time but dont make alot of money so I have to depend on cs and I hate feeling like I have to depend on someone.Im also very lucky that my parents can afford to help us out whenever we need it.I dont know what I would do without them.I dont know who came up with what percent of wages should go for cs but 20% certainly isnt enough in my opinion.I kept telling dd that I thought that she needed to get some counseling and she said no but when she started talking about how she wished she wasnt alive and her grades went from A to fs and some other bad signs I called and made an appt and it has been the best decision I have made.I can see a huge improvement in her and wish that I would have done it a year ago.I also joined the a divorce care group and it was very helpful being around other people going through the same situation.I also met one of my very best friends in the group and she is an absolute gift from God.I dont think I could have ever come this far without her.One of the ladies that led the class told me that when you are going through a divorce it is the worst time to have to make major decisions like housing looking for a job etc. but that is always when you have to make them.What you are feeling is very normal but it does get better believe me I have made it this far and you can too.