Hello all...new here

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Hello all...new here
2
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 9:12am

I'm sorry, but this might be long...I was married for 15 years, this June. We've had many problems before, but 4 years ago, we got back together, I got a diagnosis of Bipolar disorder, went through heck, and my stbx helped me survive it. I am now stable. The last year has been really rough. I was also sexually abused when I was 7, and started therapy that was way intense, and that coupled with psych meds, I had no sex drive. I also had to drive 2 hours on almost every weekend to help care for my disabled mother. STBX was very supportive through it all, or so I thought. He told me how much he loved me, and admired me for my strength in fighting through my pain, and trials...he cooked for me, he cleaned...

I made the ultimate mistake...I believed in him with everything that I am and was. I was VERY codependent on him for EVERY THING. I didn't have any friends. I had only him. He was my SALVATION! Through so many dark depressions, he was my sunshine.

About 2 months ago, he was arrested for some failure to appear thing for a traffic violation, and he was with our neighbor. I got really suspicious, because this is just NOT HIM. I pulled his cell phone log (in my name) and lo and behold there are tons of calls between them...middle of the night calls, text messages...etc. I ask him...he said, oh, yeah, Kris and I are close friends, and she talks to me about her marital problems. Therein begins the end of my marriage.

He starts going out at night, sometimes all night long...I ask why, where, etc...and am told that he deserves a life too, now that he has taken care of me for so long. When I hear that, of course, my heart breaks. I never ASKED him to do this. He is with her, I know this, we all know this, but I have no proof, and he of course will not admit it.

He then starts "jogging". For HOURS. 4-5 hours every night...late at night. Am I stupid? SO I really question it...NAG about it, cry about it...we fight about it...not long after that, he leaves...says he can't live with me anymore...

Its too stressful on him. Ha.

So, the GIRL, tells her dh that she has been having an affair with my stbx since way before the arrest happens...I confront my stbx about it, he says no...but for me to believe whatever I want to believe. Angrily.

He is still telling me he still loves me...jsut can't live with me...and the same time, he is always going out, never home (oh he is at his mom's). He has this nice new life, and i'm stuck in the same apartment...ugh...gotta move asap.

I don't know how to get through this...I'm a mess. I think I need to do a no contact thing...because its killing me...he says he is only going to "help me". But when I say I'm alone, and scared, he says, pray...or think positively...something like that. And that only makes me want to choke him.

Oh well, I know this is long...and this is the very shortened down version! Just wanted to see if anyone could relate and had any advice...

Hugs,

Keli

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 5:20pm

Hi, Keli, and welcome to the board!


It sounds like you have been through a tremendous amount over the last several years. You are obviously

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 05-10-2006 - 10:52pm

Hi Keli... just let me choke him for you ;-)


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~