Hello... new here!

Avatar for corbranzachsmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Hello... new here!
4
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 1:22pm

I have been lurking on several boards for a few months now... finally decided to put the pain to words! I am sorry it's long... destruction of a marriage and family is never a short process though is it?

In April of this year, my NOW EX, started acting "funny". This is not the first time, so I knew something was up. (There were previous betrayals, always lied about them, but then would tell the truth, but said they were never physical) I was away in Nashville for school for my work and he was running around the week I was gone and lying about it. On the Monday night I was at school, he told my children that he had to go to Wal-mart. This was at 8 pm. At 1:30 am my 18 yro called me at my hotel to say he had not come home yet. I was terrified, did he get in a wreck? Was he in the hospital hurt? I called the police station and the hospital... nope, he wasn't there. I statred the hour and a 1/2 drive home, and on my way home, I KNEW! He had been playing the perfect husband. He had been acting different, but he was going to school during the day and working nights, so when I asked him about it, he said he loved me but was just tired. Makes sense. But before I left on Sunday, we were hugging, kissing, made love that morning, gone to church together as a family, etc. Now I see, it was all a lie! Anyway, on my way home at about 2:30 am, my 18 yro called again to say he had just pulled up in the drive... I had him put my EX on the phone. This is so funny... he said he met up with a friend he used to work with, this friend had broken their arm and he took them to the hospital. "Who was this, I asked" He said he didn't remember the persons name. Ok, even if he didn't remember when he first saw this person, he would know after several hours at the ER. So I simply said "Next Excuse" He then said he had met a friend at Wal-mart, and they decided to have a few beers. I would not have minded him telling me this, so why didn't he tell me the first time. Anyway, this continued all week long, even though I was mad he lied to me on Monday! I see now he did it on purpose for a "way out" He knew I would throw him out. My trust had been betrayed too many times. I did throw him out when I got home on friday. He immediatly moved in with the OW! And kept lying! "Were just friends" "I live with a guy from school, named Mike", on and on. Until I got a PI and the truth all came out. She was someone he worked with, recently divorced and had a little girl. He had been talking to her since February! Which I found out from cell records.

Anyway, my divorce is final, I live in a "fault" state and I got the divorce based on "Inappropriate Marital Misconduct", I got everything. She moved to Virginia during the divorce process because my lawyer tried to have her subpoenaed. The judge said that my 12 yro could not be around her until at least January.

Now in January I have to let this Wh*@e be around my child. (Who knows what they did and hates her, but loves his dad) He still lives here, bc he is still in school. Does anyone else have to deal with this? I am sure there are some of you who do, and I would love to hear from you how you deal with this. I am still SOOOO freakin MAD, the anger consumes me. I know when he goes to VA on the weekends he doesn't have his son, and the whole time I think of them being together, being intimate, being a "daddy" to her child (no one knows the father of this child, she has the OW's maiden name) Everyone says after 5 months I should be better. What is wrong with me???

Thank you to all who stuck in with this, this far!
Any responses are appreciated!

Daughn

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 09-29-2005 - 1:56pm

Hey there,


Avatar for corbranzachsmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 8:54am

Thank you Nicole!

I am having such a hard time with this. I may be contacting you about this again!
I can't beleive she actually had a website insulting YOU! Lord, I swear these woman (and their men) are snakes! My hairdresser said "the best revenge is her getting him!" Haha!

However, I still feel it is some her fault... she KNEW he was married and living with his family! AND, she let him move in with her.

How long has this been for you? When did you get to the point where you were "ok" with the situation?

I have a million questions I think... I hope you can tolerate me!!

Daughn

Avatar for corbranzachsmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 8:57am
UGH!!! Where did I get "Nicole" I am sorry!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 09-30-2005 - 10:25am

hi hugs and welcome!


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nothing is wrong with you. it can take up to a year after divorce to start feeling better. especially when you went thru a betrayal like that.