HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
HELP!
5
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 2:52pm
My wife has pretty much told me she wants to end the marriage today. We have had some rough times before and she is probably justified in feeling hurt as she does. Basically her main problem is I dont listen or hear her, thereby dont respect her. I try I really do. She has brought this up before and I have honestly tried to change. I even thought I had, and she agreed, but then says I slip back. She says everything she ever felt for me is gone, replaced but disgust and hate. We have two young kids together. The three of them are my life, my everything. I know that sounds sick, but my family has always been the most important thing to me, I take jobs to make sure I have time for them etc. Now she will be gone, my best friend, my lover, my everyhting! I am left with no one. I can not stand the thought of not kissing my kids goodnight anf tucking them in every night! I cant stand the confusion etc this is going to cause them. I just want to curl up and die. If it wasnt for the responsibility I have to my two kids I would. But every time I look at their pictures all I can think of is how bad I have messed up their lives, my lives. And everytime my wife talks to me, rips me to shreds. To hear the venom in her voice towards me, the animosity from the person who I love with every fibre of who I am, is slowly and surely crushing me. And no there is no way back, she has made that very clear.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: loncohen13
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 3:03pm
I am very sorry to hear it. It sounds like she has made her mind up, and the poor kids will have to suffer a split. Is she unwilling to attend counseling? Have you asked her? I know that quite often the counselor is not approached until it is too late. But when there are kids involved, I say it's worth it to try anything and everything. It will help your conscience if you know that you gave it your all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
In reply to: loncohen13
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 3:04pm

Hi there. Hugs...welcome to the board. You sound like you are in so much pain right now.


Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like there's much you can do to change your wife's mind. Judging from your post, she's made it clear that her decision is final. The best thing you can do right now is take care of your own emotional and physical needs. That way, you'll also be able to care for your children. Make sure you get enough rest, eat well, get exercise, etc. I know those seem like basic things, but it's hard to remember the simple things when you're in shock.


Also, be kind to yourself! You mentioned that you have messed up your life...your children's lives....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: loncohen13
Thu, 05-11-2006 - 4:31pm

Hello.... and no it doesn't sound sick.... you sound like you've just been crushed, and that she's shoving all of her venom onto you.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
In reply to: loncohen13
Fri, 05-12-2006 - 9:41pm
Hey there, Know you are not alone. I too had everything invested in my family. We will survive. Somedays you just get by minute to minute. I wish you the best. Pull up a chair and join us. There are lots of very wise people around here. Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: loncohen13
Sat, 05-13-2006 - 7:40am

i am sorry that circumstances have brought you to here - butif you are going to be going thru a divorce - this is *the* place to be. the wise people on this board have helped me thru many a rough time.

i don't know what happened in your marriage, what brought your wife to be so angry and full of hate. its tough - for her, for you, and for your children. all i can suggest is that you seek therapy for yourself at this point, to help you thru the rough spots. and if your wife would be willing to hear you at a later stage ---- perhaps you could seek family counseling, so that you would be the best parents you can be.

hang in there. we are all here for you.