HELP!!!
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HELP!!!
| Sun, 02-04-2007 - 3:59pm |
This is my first weekend without my girls, ages 4 and 8. They are with their dad, his girlfriend and her infant daughter. He hasn't been much of a father for the past two years and now they are with him for 48hrs. I talked to them twice yesterday, once while the girlfriend was gone and then when she was around. He acts very different when she is around. I called this morning around 11 and got voicemail, he only has a cell phone so that is what I can call. I then called again at 12:30 left another voicemail and finally heard back from him at 2. I was calling to see how the girls where doing, and did get a little nervous because he isn't a "morning person". When I did finally talk with him, he told me I shouldn't be calling so much plus his phone was on silent, I explained why I did and that he shouldn't have his phone on silent when he has the girls and they need to be able to answer the phone when I am calling, he told me that no one answers his phone but him, I said I would like to be able to get ahold of the occasionally while they are with you and that I wanted to talk to the girls. He hung up on me. I Called back about 15 minutes later and he finally let me talk them. I was asking the 8 year old what she was up to and she said we got to meet girlfriend and daughter, he yanked the phone away and said if you want to ask questions ask me. I said all I asked was what she was up to, he said it doesn't sound like that. He is denying that they are dating but i know better. I did talk the 4 year old and then he said are you happy you know that they are alive, now get off my phone you will see them tomorrow and hung up. Am I wrong? what can I do, if anything?

ouch, that is sooo hard...
I think you should just give them some space, as hard as it may sounds. The more the kids feel that you are nervous, the more they will react in the new situation - and be miserable. Remember that this is not about your ex, or his gf... this is about your kids. Make them happy. If that means making happy your ex in the process, so be it (I know it sucks).
Don't make the mistake of making your ex unhappy (or merely unconfortable), with your kids unhappy for good measure. Choose them. Tell them it's ok to meet the new gf, then give them space. I am sure they'll want to phone you.
If you can, why not consider giving the 8 yrs old a cellphone for those occasions, so that s/he can decide when to call you???
Well, most parenting agreements state that the children have to be accessible (by phone, mail, etc.) when with the other parent... but that means reasonably accessible.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Oh sweetie, I really feel for you and know where you are coming from. My boys ages 5 and 8 just had their first visitation weekend with their dad last weekend. We are not yet legally separated and I just busted him cheating and moved out 3 weeks ago so, I told him if I even thought that whore was near our kids I'd have a pendante lite hearing arranging sole custody because, introducing a her to them would be devastating this soon. I know I will have to tolerate it at some point (grrrr...). So, things are a little different in that aspect.
Regarding the phone calls we have fallen into a pattern where he calls between dinner and bedtime (when he bothers to, that is). When he had them for visitation, I simply called during that timeperiod, around 7 or 8 pm. This has worked well because, everyone expects it. Maybe you could talk to your husband about something like that.