Help! Can't eat or sleep!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2007
Help! Can't eat or sleep!
7
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 9:26am
H moved out just 2 weeks ago. He stopped by yesterday to see our 3 daughters ages 5,8,and 9. He broke the news to them we were seperating. Anyways the girls know whats going on now. My problem now is I can't eat or sleep. My 9 year old weighs more than me now. I am down to 105 pounds. I puke when I eat because I'm so upset. Is there anything I can do for this? The lack of sleep concerns me too. I am only getting a couple hours of uninterrupted sleep a night. I can't get sick now for the sake of my girls. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2003
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 10:19am

((HUGS Lorriela)) I read your post and my heart breaks for you. I know you are feeling so down, but you need to be strong for your girls. You need to stand up brush yourself off and trudge forward. The strength that you can show them now will have an everlasting effect on them. You need to reach deep inside and remember who you really are a beautiful, strong woman that is not going to let someone take any of that away from you!

When I found out that my H had cheated I felt just like you. I couldn't sleep, eat or even concentrate. I felt like everything I was touching was getting even more screwed up. That was almost a year ago. What got me through was talking ALOT with my girlfriends and keeping myself busy with the kids. I have a DS (9) and DD (2). To help me sleep at night I took Tylenol PM ONLY for a week and that seemed to help me get back into a good sleep pattern. I ate small meals through out the day and made sure I took my multivitamin. And I posted on ivillage when I needed support from others who were going through similar situations. And of course there is always counseling. I myself couldn't afford it, but it will absolutely help.

Don't waste your time on what went wrong or why he left. Focus on you! Go get your hair done or a mani/pedi. Once you start to pull that focus back on you it will become easier. You'll still have bumps in the road, but eventually they will be far and few between.

I know you feel so down right now, but it will get better. You have no choice but to get yourself back to a happy place for the sake of YOUR health and for the sake of your girls. Accept what you have been dealt and know that you are blessed to have your beautiful children who love you unconditionally. You will make it through, I know you will.

TD

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 2:43pm

Sweetie, I am so sorry this is happening to you. When my stbx dropped his bomb on me and left (with no warning or explanation - until a few weeks later found out about the OW), I couldn't eat or sleep either. I can tell you that it does get better. Take it one day at a time.

The advice you got in the last post about small meals and taking care of yourself is EXCELLENT. One thing that helped me was asking my sister to take my kids for a night. I didn't feel comfortable even taking the most mild sleep aid if I didn't think there was a grown up in the house aside from me. So sis came to stay for a few nights and I got some rest. With sleep comes better clarity and energy to start figuring things out. I also drank protien shakes for a while - I couldn't get much down so I made the most of what I could.

Reach out to friends and family. They want to be there for you; let them be. Let them help with food shopping, taking care of your kids (even when you are in the house too), doing your laundry, taking you to a movie.

Finally, find someone to talk to - a professional. You are going through a HUGE thing and need and deserve help getting through it.

Hang in there and take each day as it comes. It will get better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2007
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 11:13pm
I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm in the same boat. My husband of 13 years just left me and my 2 sons. He is seeing someone as well. I'm having problems eating and sleeping. You have to keep up your strength for your children. Everyone has told me the same thing and it's true. I found that drinking SlimFast or Ensure helps. Meals are difficult, chewing is something I just can't do but I can swallow. Try these type of beverages and make sure you are staying hydrated. As far as sleep, well I've got this same problem and I don't want to take anything because I don't want to sleep through somethig if my kids need me. I started seeing a counselor and it has helped a little bit. My hsuband refused counseling so I'm working on me. Since everythign is so new, I'm mainly crying during the sessions but I have gotten some good advise especially on how to handle things with the kids. I feel as long as I help them through this then I'm doing something right. I've gotten support through this site and I hope you do as well. My heart is broken and I know what you are going through. There is nothing really that has helped except the love from my children, family and friends. I will pray for your family and hope you find some peace.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2007
Fri, 07-06-2007 - 11:55pm

Lorriela,

I'll never forget how that felt at first and I'm sorry you're going through this now. I remember feeling so devistated and panicked that I tried to make all of my surroundings perfect - for a more secure feeling or something I guess. If you tend toward that kind of thing too, try to let some things go that don't really matter right now and focus as much as you can on taking care of yourself.

Do anything that is relaxing for you or stress relieving. Try to take a warm bath with several drops of lavender essential oil in it before you go to bed. I put a few drops of the oil with distilled water in a little spray bottle too and spray it around my bedroom and on my pillow sometimes too.

You may not feel up to having "fun" right now, but try to do some fun things anyway - even just small things - with your daughters. Also try to spend some time with other family members and/or friends that you feel can help you feel loved and nurtured and/or who can make you laugh.

It's good to ask for any kind of help you can find. People do want to help and sometimes just don't know what to do. I reached out to all of the friends I had, and my mom and sisters - was on the phone a lot. It helped me to talk about it a lot at first. Maybe it takes some of the power out of the fears to verbalize them some.

I'm not that great at taking time to go for walks (even though I do know how stress-releiving they can be), but being outside digging in the dirt, pulling weeds and watering plants around my yard does feel good to me. I finally just let myself lay in the sun after work today - and not work in the yard - just relax, and it really did help me feel much better than I have in the last few days (so far, the holidays have been the hardest for me).

I hope you get through the initial "shock phase" (is what I think of it as) quickly and start to feel better real soon. I know you probably won't feel "great" for awhile, but you'll gradually adjust and be able to eat and sleep better.

Take care, T

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 4:57pm

Hello,

wow, it sounds just like what I'm going through. My husband left me without any warning signs about 3 weeks ago and since then I lost about 14 lbs. Not because I made the conscious choice, but because I just can't eat. The first 3, 4 days I ate nothing- just the thought of food made me gag. Slowly, I started to eat very small meals, I still do. I can't eat a lot anymore. What helped me most was to go out with friends to dinner... The social aspect helped a lot.

As far as sleeping problems are concerned - I don't know what to advice as I still sleep terribly. I wake up for no apparent reason and just lie in bed, unable to get back to sleep. I'll sleep for 10min and then wake up again. I dream about my husband and it's either a good dream (we're back together) and then the day starts happy but turns sad when I remember or I already dream bad (we walks away from me) and I wake up upset. It's so hard. I bought an OTC sleeping pill- it's non-habit forming, but it didn't seem to help in the beginning so now I'm trying to do it without. I started to exercise again in the hopes that I'll be tired. So far no luck.

I think it WILL get better, we just have to live through this bad time right now. I truly wish I could tell you the perfect remedy - but I can't. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and you're not alone.

Hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Sat, 07-07-2007 - 9:29pm
Hey girl, you are so right you cannot afford to get sick right now. I know this is gut renching, but just remember, every emotion you have your girls have as well, and how you deal with this will also be seen ( good or bad) by them as well. Talk with your friends, your parents SOMEONE a doctor perhaps! Just BREATH and know THIS TO SHALL PASS. Good Luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 8:29pm

I'm sorry for what you are going through, I have been in your shoes. Four years ago my husband moved out leaving 5 kids with me. Within a month I joined a gym, a trainer told me I had zero percent body fat and was going to end up in the hospital if I didn't make my health the priority. I think you need the same advice, my kids were a bit older than yours, although they need a strong mom. You are the role model they will follow. You also may try to seek advice from a counselor, it's hard to think clearly with all of the emotion that you are going through.

I will say a prayer for you, and be strong!