Help getting hubby to leave

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2008
Help getting hubby to leave
7
Sat, 08-09-2008 - 2:37pm
I really could use some advice from someone who has been in my situation and successfully got her husband to move out. I filed for divorce 11 months ago, it is not final yet. My husband still lives in the house and refuses to leave.He sleeps in a different room. He bought a condo several months ago,gets his mail forwarded there but still refuses to leave. He is not violent and we can usually co exist ok, but it is very unpleasant.Stressful on my 3 kids. Any advice on how to get him to leave? My lawyer says there is no legal way to get him out now if he won't do so voluntarily.I need some ideas!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 9:01am

Shake,


Hi. Sounds like your STBX is engaged in passive-aggressive behavior. It's form of a power play. He gives a little, i.e. buys a place, but still plays the "I'm gonna get you" game by staying.


Have you tried just sitting him down and telling him (calmly) that his behavior is stressful for the children and that in THEIR best interest he needs to move out? Maybe you have and it's fallen on deaf ears. If you've tried and that hasn't worked, I'd suggest you seek the advice of a therapist. Perhaps he or she can give you some tools to cope with him until the divorce is final.


Otherwise, short of physically throwing him out (which out land you in jail) you probably can't do anything about his refusal to leave. He's being a jerk and maybe he thinks he's going to change your mind by refusing to leave. Then again, he might just feel guilty himself (imagine that!) and is trying to force you to reconcile in his own strange way.


Sometimes the direct approach is best. You could pack his things, put them on the front porch or lawn, change the locks, and tell him he's no longer welcome in the maritial home. He might call the cops, but then you can say he has his own place, but refuses to live there. They may or may not allow him back in.


Otherwise, sit tight. It may not be much longer.


CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2008
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 3:39pm
Thanks for the advice. I am seeing a therapist this week and hopefully can get his help. Thought about not doing anything for him anymore. Making life as unpleasant as possible, just afraid it might backfire. Anybody tried this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 5:56pm

big HUGS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2008
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 8:32pm
My STBX is the same... does nothing around the house at all ( not that he ever did). It is so frustrating. I have started today to leave all his stuff right where he leaves it (he is a slob too!!lol)and I a not going to touch his laundry etc.Thinking of what else to do too. I'll see if that gets him out. The worst is he refuses to tell our kids about the divorce. Using it as sort of leverage. " I'm not telling the kids until we have a settlement. If you want me out soon, then tell your atty to hurry up " etc. My court date is in oct. But it is just a pre trial hearing . My Atty assures me we will be divorced by the end of the yr. This takes so long!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 11:32am

You mean that your DH has a condo that he is paying for, but is not living there?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2008
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 12:08pm

Musiclover, my attorney recommended that I not suggest taking turns every other weekend with taking care of our son, because it would give STBX an advantage for custody, plus my attorney wanted to wait until the psych evaluation came back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 12:36pm

HI there shakeitup,


My advice is this - you need to decide the following question, which is a choice between two very unlikable positions.


Which is worse: