Help! How do I tell him??
Find a Conversation
Help! How do I tell him??
| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 12:19am |
Ok, I've decided to finally go thru with this (Separation)
How do I tell him?? I want to tell him I am tired of fighting, compromising my feelings and I am SERIOUS this time. It is no longer an empty threat. I have already seen a lawyer. I want this to go smoothly and be friends for the kids sake.
He is not going to accept this and will be pissed...cause he thinks life is great...I am just bitchy. I want to get across that I am not mad...but I have made a choice to end this marriage cause I am dying inside everyday with him. I don't want to sound like it is all his fault..cause its not. He is old fashioned, so you just stay together.
Argh!! It would be easier if I had had an affair..LOL
How do I tell him?? I want to tell him I am tired of fighting, compromising my feelings and I am SERIOUS this time. It is no longer an empty threat. I have already seen a lawyer. I want this to go smoothly and be friends for the kids sake.
He is not going to accept this and will be pissed...cause he thinks life is great...I am just bitchy. I want to get across that I am not mad...but I have made a choice to end this marriage cause I am dying inside everyday with him. I don't want to sound like it is all his fault..cause its not. He is old fashioned, so you just stay together.
Argh!! It would be easier if I had had an affair..LOL

No part of this is easy, is it? How old are your children?
My case was a bit different. I told my ex that if our relationship were to have any chance, we needed time apart and asked him to move out. I also promised that I would not hold that against him for child custody and possession of the house, a promise I stuck to. We did continue marriage counseling and tried to roll back our relationship to happier times and go forward again, but it didn't work. I filed at that point, stayed in the house because I had primary custody and it was the kid's home. I paid the entire mortgage payments myself going forward. I asked him to come back in over a four day weekend and take literally anything and everything he wanted. I didn't want to be fighting over coffee cups. I suggested that he consider leaving the TV because the kids liked to watch their kids' dvds on it, but if he really wanted it to go ahead and take it. He left it.
Our divorce never got nasty. He didn't show up to court on the day it was finalized, in fact he never got a lawyer at all. He said he knew it would kill me not to be absolutely fair to him, and that was better protection than two lawyers negotiating.
We get along fine to this day. I attribute that to the gradual nature of the decision to divorce, the dedication of both of us to protecting the kids and making sure that they had a strong relationship with their father always. Plus we both really tried to benefit from marriage counseling. He didn't want the divorce, but didn't fight it.
I hope this goes well for you. Have you considered talking to him somewhere other than home, like in a public place where your kids can't overhear and he is forced to behave himself?
Cat
Mom to 5: DS-17, DD-16, DD-11, DD-9, DS-7
I think I am going to start with the separation talk. But not to work on it more. I honestly have been trying for so long without any changes from him. So, if he now wants to work on it...too late for me. Besides, it never lasts when he does 'try harder'.
I am hoping to keep the house as well. And I am the same that he can take whatever he wants.
I am hoping to have a happy divorce, I think at the beginning he maybe unreasonable from anger but I truely believe once the shock is over he will work with me. He is all about what is best for the kids so that helps. I am not out to get all I can out of him. Just what is fair to keep the kids with the least amount of change.
Thanks for your response. I am so nervous to tell him. I am dreading it but also can't wait. Crazy emotions to be feeling.
Cin