Help I dont know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Help I dont know what to do
8
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 10:33pm
Hello all I am new to ivillage but need a place to seek advice. My husband of 14 years had just told me he is leaving. I have 3 children and am 1 year from graduating from Nursing School. I love him so very much and he says he loves me but he wants to be able to go and do whatever he wants to whenever he wants to. I am terrified!! I have never been on my own and dont know how to do this and be strong in front of my kids!!! I am an utter mess I am working full time going to school and being a full time mom. I dont know if I can handle any more than I already am! I have no family to turn to so if anyone can offer any advice I would truly appreciate it! Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 10:56pm
Do not quit school. Please. You need the distraction and your kids will need your income. Contact you local family service center, maybe they can help with your school, or child care. Please keep up with your school. It will be a life saver. I raised 3 kids on nothing. It was the hardest thing I ever did. There are alot of great women here who are in your same place.
You need to contact an attorney to see that your children are taken care of. Good Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2007
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 10:47pm
I think you just have to take it one day at a time.. Things look bad know but they will get better.. You don't want to be with someone that doesn't love you.. The things that you think could break you only make you stronger..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 4:49pm

Hi there!


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Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2007
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 9:48pm
I've been with my husband for 12 years, married almost four now. In September (after I had a baby in Feb, gave up a tenured position as a classroom teacher for a reading position) he anounces he doesn't feel like he loves me and wants a divorce. Now we are in the process (still!) for filing for a legal sep. But I remember feeling like OMG, I just had a baby, I don't have job security and I too was starting school again. I thought I would never make it through the day and I would get fired. But as hard as it was, I did. I have a strong faith, so God was a big player for me. I would set small goals to get through the morning, sometimes the hour. It was hard, but it go easier. I still cry every day and will for a while. At this point I believe my marriage is over, but it is letting go of the dream that is so hard. I don't know when it gets better. I remember days I could barely take care of myself and I had a small baby. You have three beautiful kids to care for plus deal with an excruciating loss. Don't be hard on yourself, don't be afraid to ask for help. Cry, pray, read, beleive that you can do this and you are worth love and happiness. I don't know what your futue will be. I don't know what mine will be either. I do promise it will get easier to cope with. I can't say when you will stop loving your husband or when you'll feel ready to move on or try to fight. I've been in this for 9 months now and I can't answer those questions for myself. All you can do is take care of you and your children. God bless.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Tue, 06-19-2007 - 11:04pm

Just sending hugs!

I am a few weeks away from formally separating and maybe beginning a new life. The end of our marriages are really hard, especially with children and school and work. I have had it good in that I was a sahm. Now I am back to school and soon back to work.

We can do it; you can do it! Live through the heartache and the betrayal and forge a new life, right!?

Stick around here for support!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 9:57am

BusyMom,


Hmmmmm, so what exactly does your husband want to do that he can't do inside the marriage? His excuse (and that's what it is..an excuse) to divorce you sounds like a pile of horse manure. Whose he seeing? Did you ask? Don't be shocked if there's another woman. A man doesn't have to leave his marriage to do "things" if it doesn't involve sex with another woman (although some stay married and screw around).


I also encourage you to fight for your marriage. Don't cave in so easily. Confront this man and demand to know what it is he wants to do that requires him to divorce you and abandon his children. His actions are those of a juvenile delinquent, not an adult man. What's he running away from?


I really encourage you to confront him about this and I also encourage you to insist you see a marriage counselor together, if possible. There's more to this than he's telling you and the very least he owes you is the truth.


Good luck.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:46am
Thank you all so much for your kind words! I am crying daily and I have made my pleas to him to stay and work things out with me he is still adament on leaving and I just found out he might be sleeping with my best friend. Her husband contaqcted me and said he found my husbands phone number in her phone and they had been talking alot. So this only makes it harder. I am truly terrified of how this all will turn out. Thanks again for your support. Leslie
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 2:37pm

Ohhhh dear, that last bit would really add to the hurt. Otoh, if your friend is the OW and her H ends up on the receiving end of a divorce -- you can support each other. Feels a bit twisted, but I think it can help; cause he will know exactly how you are feeling, iykwim.

Hope it isn't true, of course.

It is hell no matter what.

Hugs to you!

M